Yaka Beep Beep Beep SHUT UP!

It was a cold dark rainy night when the Yaka started beeping. Like it is nagging me.

IT: Beep. Beep. Beep. Gwe, beep. Hello? Beep beep, dude. Hello? Can you hear me? Beep. Baz? Baz? Beep, Baz.

ME: What!!

Feed me, Baz. Top me up.

Let me see your display… Dude you have a whole 14 units in you. You don’t need to be topped up.

Just top me up, man.

Gaway.

What if you forget and I run out?

If you run out the house will be dark and I will remember. Then I’ll top you up.

Beep.

Shut up.

 

(Hits switch which silences beep for 24 hours.)

 

24 Hours later…

Baz.

What!

Beep-beep. Top me up, man.

No. You don’t need topping up. You have at least a month’s worth of cara in you. Shut up.

Baz, come on nawe. Top me up. Beep beep.

No, Yaka. I’m not topping you up. In fact I am going to watch this large power-guzzling TV of mine while ironing my jeans and Chuck Taylor’s and at the same time heating water for a shower while you, you just shut up.

(Hits switch which silences beep for 24 hours.)

 

24 Hours later…

Beep.

Beep.

Beep.

Yo, Baz

You’re clearly just starved for attention.

Well, it gets kinda lonely sometimes.

But do I care?

And when you come back you just watch the TV. You think I don’t want someone to notice me for once? You never watch me.

Your screen doesn’t have shows. It’s boring.

(Hits switch which silences beep for 24 hours.)

24 Hours later…

Beep. Beep.

Beep.

Baz? Baz…And how come you top up your phone every day, but me I have to beg and beg.

You’re being a needy little diva, Yaka. It’s not a good look.

Can you blame me? You made me this way.

How? How is this on me? How did I make you that way?

Neglect! It feels like I don’t count around here! I see you with the phone and the laptop and the tv and the music system. You are always touching them and pushing their buttons and looking at their screens. I am the one who makes them work and yet do I get any love? Noooo. Nothing. You never even so much as glance at me.

You are a Yaka meter. What do you want?

How about some respect, huh? How about you top me up with a bit more than 20k for once.

Don’t be ridiculous.

Put in a hundred!

Nigga please. Even Spacioza the Spacio doesn’t get a hunnad. And her I actually love.

A hundred, Baz!

Or what?

Or I will beep more.

No you won’t.

(Hits switch which silences beep for 24 hours.)

 

24 Hours later…

Bee..(Hits switch which silences beep for 24 hours.)

 

24 Hours later…

Bee..(Hits switch which silences beep for 24 hours.)

 

24 Hours later…

(There is a blackout. No electricity in the entire neighbourhood. So I hit some Kyadondo East and go to sleep. Then at three twenty five am, cara comes back.)

 

Beeeeeeep beeeeeeep beeeeeep!