Who or what is Uber? I Don’t Know

I understand that it is like when you call that number you have saved in your phone as “The Special One”, the number that makes your girl nervous, until you dial it and start by referring to the callee as “Ivan” then she suffers a mild shock, having never suspected that side of you, then when you proceed to fumble in luganda that is as inelegant as a three-legged goat trying to climb out of an open Kisenyi sewer, she finally gets it.
Because that also explains “The Boda One”, “The Rolex One”, “The Dobbi One” and most especially, it establishes that “The Blunt One” is not just some guy who doesn’t give hints.

So Uber is like when you call Ivan the spesho haya guy. But this time instead of calling, you use an app.

Then instead of Ivan, you get a ride from Stuart, the guy you were with on campus who had the blesser in UNRA and she hooked up an altezza but that was before Kagina took over to overhaul the agency and she, the sugar mummy, not Kagina, is now rumoured to be hiding in Lyantonde somewhere where she can’t be served with summons and so Stuart is left here in the city with no job and no more blessings and just a guAltezza sitting there in the compound.


Stuart felt that he could not be a spesho cab driver because puhleese he has a degree so put some respeck on the name.

But you see, he can now finally earn a living and stop mooching off his parents who got sick of his whiny, lazy, arrogant goodfornothing ass years ago.

Because Uber is an American invention and has been referenced many times on dvd series, that makes it cool enough to participate in, unlike speshos.

Where we get the idea that speshos transactions have to be carried out in Luganda even though, look, this city is a diverse place and not everyone speaks Luganda fluently. But we assume that we must hustle with the complex numerics of bitaano, aatano, lutaano etc when we speak to the spesho. What if the cab driver is one of those Kampalans who isn’t a fluent Luganda speaker?
If your spesho is called Omara, shouldn’t you speak to him in Luo?
Or English? Don’t think they don’t know English.
We assume they have limited formal education. But so does Peter Sematimba and yet his English is even more English than your’s.
That guy is just pandering to your ideal that your driver should be subservient and perhaps inferior in some vague class sense. That’s why he doesn’t speak to you in English.

Anyway, with Uber you expect to transact in English just because it is an app. So that is what I expect from Uber.
An altezza driven in luzungu by an unemployed graduate.

I could get one and find out, but it’s the last week of the month. I can’t buy fuel for my own car let alone Stuart’s.