Oh what an audacious monstrosity! It looks like a fish made of old dead shoes! It is so revolting my eyes both demand that we immediately go into exile, for this nation is surely cursed!
Actually in this picture I am looking at here she looks kind of cute. I like the smile. I bet all day guys be saying stupid stuff to her just to make her laugh.
Let me see… Actually you’re right. She is quite a pleasant sight.
Let’s get to work discussing the issue. The socials were aflame with indignation this week over the first photo released online of her new Majesty, Leah I of Uganda, recently crowned Miss Uganda.
Why was this, in your estimation?
It’s just the cycle of tradition. That’s how Miss Uganda pageant plays out. It opens, the media takes photos which everyone forgets, the final is held, we all explode into novas of fury over the choice of winner and then two weeks later we forget all about it and cannot even pick her out from a line up whose other constituents are a tomato, Semujju Nganda, a football and myself.
What was the complaint this time?
It was alleged that she was ungorgeous.
We’re these allegations founded on fact?
Purely on circumstance. The girl had been perspiring under a sheath of makeup for hours prior to the photo, all the while trying to maintain a smile that had long subsided to a rictus grimace from fatigue, and her shoes must have been murdering her foot first.
The poor girl must have been suffering from the most excruciating mix of exhaustion and agony.
Then here comes a camera to take a snap and tweet it to the wolves who wait every year to be profoundly angry at the results.
But wait, Baz. You are one of those people who diss the pageant every year.
My complaint has always been that beauty pageants are shallow and pointless. It’s not personal.
The other week you said Stella Nantumbwe looks like a praying mantis.
Yes, but a very pretty praying mantis.
That is weirdly true. A mantisesque beauty is apparent.
But the battle entered into stage two when Leah I went on media rampage. Radio station to TV station to blast the mass media audience with what was undeniable charm and grace and, also, pleasant looks and so her team won.
So what next?
Next is the same thing as every year. We promptly forget that Miss Uganda even exists and go back to the Bebe Cool vs Esther Akankwasa beef. That shit was just getting started.