Now that upcoming local artiste Yoweri Museveni aka Sevo Banton aka MC Kagu aka DJ Se7en aka 30-year-wonder has finally dropped that hot single that is burning up the charts, you know what comes next. This is Uganda, peoples, what comes next is an album launch concert. You know you don’t need an album to have an album launch in Uganda. One single will do.
So any day now.
But we have to be ready. This is not going to be like that shite affair Saha put up where everybody staggered in drunk off satchets thinking it was Omulangira Suuna and then, upon discovering they had made a mistake, staggered out again, this time high off second-hand weed.
There is protocol to be observed when the president is involved.
The REAL president.
So memba dis!
- National id plus NRM card plus voters card gets you into VIP tent. There are no chairs in the tent. Kneeling only.
- Curtain raisers Ofwono Opondo, Sarah Kagingo, and Karooro Okurut will perform first. They don’t have original songs, so they will do karaoke versions of Bruno Mars, Judy Boucher and Meek Mill respectively. (Karooro says she will not perform Trap Queen, unfortunately. Until Inaguration day.)
- Jennifer Musisi will try to shut it down? But since when. Shut down who. Of where. None of those are questions. KCCA guards get teargassed by Kayihura
- Gilbert bukenya will get bounced. He will stand at the gate all night saying, “Do you know who I am? Sevo is my buddy. Call him and see.” But there will be more hairs on Sevo’s head than fucks given about that loser.
- Rema will want to sing live then she will see Juliana and decide to just put on the other CD and just mime. Unlike some other singers, she does fear loss.
- Maurice Kirya, who penned a long facebook essay about the government not doing enough to enforce intellectual property laws will be there in full force. Guys clicked “like” on his facebook post mob, then they went and downloaded music from youtube and converted it to MP3 and then shared it among themselves on whatsapp and then sent inboxes to ask him for free tickets. Eventually he realized that, with sh400 million being dropped for these musicians to make this song, the only person paying artistes for their work is Sevo himself.