What the… What are you doing here? First of all, how the hell did you get here in the first place? We are not open!

Okay, if you insist on an explanation, look, I’m trying to figure out how to make this place look fly. It’s not an easy thing for me to do. I have substantial brains, yes, but they deploy towards excellence in regions different from this internet shit.

It looks like I’m going to have to go through four hundred and fifty templates before I find one that works.

When I do find a way to make this a real website, we shall have a gala opening featuring guest artiste. Maybe we can have Rachel K doing a cover version of her first ever hit “Me Shutting Up”. Heh. I know I said no more Rachel K jokes, but it’s soooo easy.

Anyway, now, I’ve explained myself. Explain yourself. How did you even end up here?