Uganda vs Talib Greene aka Ukweli. Or The truth vs Kweli

Who is Talib Kweli? He is an American social activist. He says his name is Kiswahili and is pronounced “Kwali”. That is telling you a lot about him.

download (5)

Like many social activists in America, he believes that all Ugandans do is wake up in the morning, stab a couple of homosexuals, have breakfast, head over to coffee farm, get a bit bored, holler at our buddies to see if there is any word of anyone having a same sex relationship, one of our buddies replies in that “African” accent, nti, “We hev thwo lesbienes hee.” gleefully trot past the hyenas and join the lynch mob in stringing the women up a tree. Aaah. Another good day in Africa.


Okay maybe I am exaggerating but as you read further you will understand why the truth has no place in this story.


On Sunday Mr Greene tweeted:


The LRA massacres gays.


Now, there is no downplaying how horrific, how atrocious, how wicked the LRA was. But even as evil as they were, you can’t carry out a massacre of gays in rural Uganda. Where would you even find them?


Rural Uganda, like so many African traditional societies, is so homophobic that nobody is going to come out and be openly gay. If anyone is known to be gay, it will be treated like a public secret. People just won’t talk about it.

A few of them might kill you or banish you or something like that; the point is that you will never find a substantial group of gay people in a rural Ugandan village just sitting there when you arrive to massacre them. If your troop of LRA storm a village looking for gays to massacre, you will kill at most two. Josiah and Okello. And they were not even gay, they were just really tight buddies and Okello was kind of cute but because they weren’t married to anyone tongues wagged.

Meanwhile the people who were actually gay were so down low that nobody even knew.

Anyway Ugandans saw the tweet and proceed to point this out to Mr Greene.

“Boss, LRA massacred indiscriminately. They never set out to single out gay people.”


Kko Greene:

“Dawg, why you lyin’? Show me the news report that says LRA did not massacre gays!”


A few of us pointed out that this is not how intellectual debate works. One does not demand proof of non-existance. He who alleges proves. That is why my affair with Jacinta didn’t end when she thought Susan had given me a handjob at One Love beach that night. She couldn’t say “Prove she didn’t jack you off!” How does one prove one has not been jacked off?

It should be easy to prove if LRA did, though. They were so blatant in their evil that everything they did is well-reported. If there was a gay massacre, it would be there. On Wikipedia even. Wikipedia has a pretty exhaustive list of LRA massacres.

Because Greene is not a complete moron, he soon realised the weakness in that tack, but because he is not a complete intellectually honest person, he amended his stance to this:

How many people does it take to make a massacre? As long as some gay people were killed, that makes it a gay massacre. If there were gay people among LRA victims, then how can you say LRA did not massacre gays? Word! Knowahmsayin?”


The poor dude. He has been to Africa, he says, but for all that travelling he still has no understanding of how rampaging huns behave. He imagines that during LRA attacks they would stop to ask for sexual orientation. If you say “Gay”, they kill you. If you say “Straight”, they still kill you, but not as much?


After hours of flailing around that wet turd of an argument, he was gifted by the inevitable appearance of UOT outragerati, some of whom declared that there are no gay killings in Ug.


This was Christmas, or its equivalent to the atheist Mr Greene. With the link to the unfortunate story of Mr David Kato, may he rest in peace, quickly Ctrl-V’d and poised on his clipboard, Greene frothed: Are you trying to tell me that there are no gays being killed in Uganda? No gays being killed in Uganda? No Gays Being Killed in Uganda? Whatchutalmbout?” He quivered in anticipation of the triumph that would come the minute he pasted.


It was at this belated point that the sober-minded among us realised that this was not going to be about correcting some misinformation from America. This guy really really really wanted some dead gay Ugandans. No facts or logic would stop him.


Now you want to wonder why. If you are concerned about the safety of your fellow human beings who happen to be gay, then the revelation that they are not being slaughtered by rampaging Ugandans should be welcome news. Instead Greene was resisting this fact, as if he was dodging some sense of  personal loss that would come from the admission that a gay person is more likely to be murdered for his or her orientation in America than in Uganda.


Why? I know why. You know when a baby falls down, isn’t even hurt, but someone notices that they have tumbled, and so they instantly start crying? They don’t do it because they need help, they do it because, banange, it feels goooooood to hear people say, “Ooh baass. Bad floor bad floor. Good baby good baby.”

Even if he knows the floor didn’t do anything.


That is what is plaguing social media activism, people like that. They want to feel that they are the good people and everyone who disagrees with them is bad. If there is no bad in play, they risk losing that awesome feeling so they shift arguments and divert and digress and dodge until they end up in absurd position that if any violence against gays is perpetrated in uganda, that means they are right and LRA did it.


Hell, even I was only in it for the feeling. Every gay person who knows me knows that I am not going to go out and fight for their rights. I told them.  I’m lazy and selfish so you fight your own shit. Kasita if you win they will not end up coming for me.


But there I was tweeting at Talib Uwongo Greene as if I even cared what he thought. Just because it feels goooooood to see the RTs saying, Gooood baz, Bad Americans who always overstate the negative aspects of African news.


Anyway, that is over one thousand words. I hope you have found this entertaining. Last word, guys, let us treat each other fairly. Bye.