The full results of the last population census, following the release of the provisional results last year, have been officially thlunked down on the official desk. It is now certified that unprotected Ugandan sex has been so prolific that we have made ten million more citizens and now are now a mob of 34,900,000 people.
Let us look at the basic breakdown of those figures.
Women: The Rest
Men with more than one penis in their pants, which enables them to instigate multiple pregnancies simultaneouslyand thus increase the birth rate: 14,568,000
Men who don’t have children: Liars. Statistically, all of you have kids.
Women with more babies gestating within them as we speak: 16,993,000
Women who gave birth since you read that last sentence: 5,345,000
Women Who Don’t Have children: Not applicable. Social pressures and traditions dictate that woman must have child or put up with constant badgering.
Unemployed Youth 15-24: 83% Really. We can’t find jobs for these kids. Everyone else is fine, but 15-24 is gnashing in vagrancy.
Unemployed because Unemployable: Socialites
Employed even though useless and waste of resources: Most MPs
Unemployed but claims to be employed: So called “artists” who leech off white women and do no art, just smoke weed all day and night.
Poorly educated (Especially at maths): The people who collected these statistics
Educated but still as thick as Winnie Nwagi wearing padded knickers rubadubbing Straka: 98% of practicing school teachers.
Psychopaths: Everyone with an Ipsum
Halitosis: Taxi passengers from third and fourth rows
Backache: Not for long, considering the rate of population growth, sooner or later some Ugandan is going to come and have sex with you and the backache will go. It goes when you have sex. Trust me. You don’t believe me? Come and I show you.
Hungry? Look at this. Get hungrier. This and more at The Bistro in Kisementi. In fact, follow them @thebistroug on twitter, on your way to the place itself so you get both food and follow.