Uganda Census Results: Population Is Currently Mob

The full results of the last population census, following the release of the provisional results last year, have been officially thlunked down on the official desk. It is now certified that unprotected Ugandan sex has been so prolific that we have made ten million more citizens and now are now a mob of 34,900,000 people.


Let us look at the basic breakdown of those figures.


Men: 16,000,000

Women: The Rest


Men with more than one penis in their pants, which enables them to instigate multiple pregnancies simultaneouslyand thus increase the birth rate: 14,568,000

Men who don’t have children: Liars. Statistically, all of you have kids.


Women with more babies gestating within them as we speak: 16,993,000

Women who gave birth since you read that last sentence: 5,345,000

Women Who Don’t Have children: Not applicable. Social pressures and traditions dictate that woman must have child or put up with constant badgering.


Economic Statistics:

Unemployed: 4%

Unemployed Youth 15-24: 83% Really. We can’t find jobs for these kids. Everyone else is fine, but 15-24 is gnashing in vagrancy.


Unemployed because Unemployable: Socialites

Employed even though useless and waste of resources: Most MPs

Unemployed but claims to be employed: So called “artists” who leech off white women and do no art, just smoke weed all day and night.


Education Statistics:

Educated: 434,456,212,768,670,763,212,543,000

Poorly educated (Especially at maths): The people who collected these statistics

Educated but still as thick as Winnie Nwagi wearing padded knickers rubadubbing Straka: 98% of practicing school teachers.


Health Statistics:

Psychopaths: Everyone with an Ipsum

Halitosis: Taxi passengers from third and fourth rows

Backache: Not for long, considering the rate of population growth, sooner or later some Ugandan is going to come and have sex with you and the backache will go. It goes when you have sex. Trust me. You don’t believe me? Come and I show you.



Hungry? Look at this. Get hungrier. This and more at The Bistro in Kisementi. In fact, follow them @thebistroug on twitter, on your way to the place itself so you get both food and follow.

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