Ug Musician and 70-Year-old Bride Split Up. Surprise!

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Did you hear? The Aces split up.

Remember that marriage last year? When the shifty-looking dreadlack rudebway was joined in matrimony to a Norwegian oops, my bad Swedish woman who had a high likelihood of being both the oldest and whitest bride in Uganda that year?

I mean she was not just old, she was Jurassic. What was the dude’s pick up line? “Your dad must have been a Viking. Cos you are that old.”?

I bet the first time this woman heard of Africa it was actually still like one country. As in before the scramble for Africa hashtag colonialism.

This woman was so old her first black lover probably wasn’t a husband. He was a slave she  bought from Tippu Tip.

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And she was white. So white.

She was so white even Umeme couldn’t stop her.

She was so white she was Norwegian.

She was so white if she wore that T-Shirt Lokodo would arrest her nti she is topless in public.

So this man named Governor Ace married her.

 

We all said…

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But you know. Maybe it was real love. Maybe they saw something in each other, in spite of her being a chalk fossil and him looking like something that was dragged out of a wetland and wrapped in a suit

Maybe they connected. I mean if Jay-Z and Beyonce can not only get married but actually consummate said marriage and then eat red lobster who is to say?

Jay-Z being an unrepentant criminal and a misogynist still manages to marry and stay married to a feminist icon.

But in the case of the Aces.

Then you laugh at Kato Lubwama for what.

Then you laugh at Kato Lubwama for what.

Well, turns out it was not love. It was otherwise.

So travel advisory hereby issued to women from Norway who come to Uganda. Please observe the following :

  1. Don’t trust these dudes. I mean, look at him. Look at those dreads. Dubious just. As if multiple penises. Suggesting that one is not enough.

Plus he says he is Governor Ace. A lie. Uganda does not have governors. We have RDCs. Please investigate all such claims so you don’t fall for tricksters.

 

  1. If you ain’t no punk holla, “We want prenup!”

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We want prenup.

Yeah.

 

3.  If you really must marry a Ugandan musician marry Apass. He is single and searching.

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4. If you marry a Ugandan man, don’t allow your guhusband  to talk to those heifers. Whether in Bukoto or Bushenyi. So why do you let it happen in Norway? You have to keep your man safe. Don’t trust them hos.

 

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