Twakowa Celebrities




If you had caught me last week, or most of the five or six years before that, and asked me what I think of the whole notion of celebrity, I would have chuckled in a faintly condescending manner and smirked that I find it all very very silly. But ask me now and I will snarl and possibly bite. For today and henceforth I actively hate them. I don’t want to ever talk to another celebrity again in my life. Tired of all of you. Get outtahere!

For example, I have my respect for Navio, the way game recognizes game. We both often release dope joints in our respective media, but that being what it is, I don’t care what he thinks about SIM card registration.

Yet somewhere there is an editor sending a hapless little Mass Com undergrad out to find the rapper and stick a pen under his face, mbu: “Navio what is your opinion on this current affairs issue that we, the media, are trying to force-feed into the public consciousness? We are trying to shove it into relevance and want to use you and the general assumption gullible readers of our publication have that everything you do is significant. So, give us your opinion, if any. Or give us somebody else’s. We don’t discriminate.”

I swear.

Now, let us be honest. Unless dude is going to give this opinion in 16 bars of rhyme, over a beat by Just Jose, with Naava Grey on the chorus singing “Ray-gistraaay-tion, Ray-gistraaay-tion, Ray-gister your swag!” we are not really interested, are we?

In other news, Naava Grey would probably sing “Reee-gestration, Reeee-gestration” not “Ray” because, well, Ugandans talk like that.

Why does the world persist in the belief that pedestrian opinins are made more valid if they are uttered by people who have previously sang songs? Why does anyone think that just because a guy was on TV reading a script this person’s thoughts on completely unrelated matters is worthwhile?

Now, I had thought that given my position on the editorial food chain I no longer had to run after celebs for inane soundbites. But I forgot that given my position on the editorial food chain, I end up often having to do other people’s work. If a reporter doesn’t deliver, it’s up to me. So I had to find a Celebrity Opinion on an upcoming movie.

Boss, can I have a few minutes of your time?

Sure. What’s up?

What are your thoughts on Cold Light of Day?

The f*** is that?

New movie. Bruce Willis is in it.

I don’t know. Rats ass.

I really need to fill up this space with some sort of celebrity words, so let me push this further. Okay, Cold Light is going to suck. What about Resident Evil: Retribution?

I haven’t watched it yet.

Of course you haven’t. It’s not out yet. But when it comes out, will you watch it?



He is looking at me like, “What the hell are you asking me this crap for?” And I am thinking, “What the hell am I asking you  this crap for?”

Expendables 2, however, was awesome.