I don’t hate football. It is just that, well, I would rather not. If there is Avengers or Iron Man 3 or the Simpson’s on a screen somewhere then I will have higher priorities.
Like most gentlemen of my social standing, I played frequently as a youngster, but that was where the thrill stopped for me. When I retired from active service in the field at a venerable 14, I never looked back.
Well, I looked back a couple of times, enough times to come to the conclusion that niggas take way wayyy too long to score, and basketball is much more satisfactory in this regard.
But I do enjoy Heineken.
Okay, I was not that conflicted. I went.
My findings were that Foosball is not football. Foosball is much cooler, especially by virtue of the fact that Chandler (my personal hero) and Joey had a Foosball table in their apartment in The One With The Foosball Table.
Secondly, foosball people score a lot more frequently than those dullards in Manchester and Arsenal and whatever the other ones are called. This I can get behind.
Now, I have wandered around the bar a couple of times during these events. The first time I thought the Heineken was on the house (it wasn’t) the second time the Heineken was on a friend of mine. Tonight I’m not going to be a cheap bastard, and shall purchase my own beer. I may even extend largess to nearby fellow-patrons.
In the meantime, the thrust of this post. I have learned this much about Foosball.
- The ball moves so fast that you only know there is a goal scored when you hear the kathing tumbling down the bottom of the table. It sounds like “Kurunkuku.” That would be a great name for a rock band, word to Dave Barry
- The tables are always playing Germany vs Italy. As in one side’s players are all blonde and slavic, the other side’s players are all dark haired, swarthy and Mediterranean-looking.
- You pour half the bottle into the glass, but you take the first sip from the bottle. It’s only civilized.
- That Azonto song still gets play even in this day and age.
I was at Legends yesterday and somehow got roped into an actual game with Mister Deejay, he of SNMS fame and this is the result:
That means I lost. But that is a story for another day. I will tell it after the game I win.