This Foosball Adventure





I don’t hate football. It is just that, well, I would rather not. If there is Avengers or Iron Man 3 or the Simpson’s on a screen somewhere then I will have higher priorities.

Like most gentlemen of my social standing, I played frequently as a youngster, but that was where the thrill stopped for me. When I retired from active service in the field at a venerable 14, I never looked back.


Well, I looked back a couple of times, enough times to come to the conclusion that niggas take way wayyy too long to score, and basketball is much more satisfactory in this regard.

But I do enjoy Heineken.

So dude calls me up and says Heineken is having a foosball tournament, I was conflicted. First of all..



Okay, I was not that conflicted. I went.

My findings were that Foosball is not football. Foosball is much cooler, especially by virtue of the fact that Chandler (my personal hero) and Joey had a Foosball table in their apartment in The One With The Foosball Table.


Secondly, foosball people score a lot more frequently than those dullards in Manchester and Arsenal and whatever the other ones are called. This I can get behind.



Now, I have wandered around the bar a couple of times during these events. The first time I thought the Heineken was on the house (it wasn’t) the second time the Heineken was on a friend of mine. Tonight I’m not going to be a cheap bastard, and shall purchase my own beer. I may even extend largess to nearby fellow-patrons.


In the meantime, the thrust of this post. I have learned this much about Foosball.


  1.  The ball moves so fast that you only know there is a goal scored when you hear the kathing tumbling down the bottom of the table. It sounds like “Kurunkuku.” That would be a great name for a rock band, word to Dave Barry
  2. The tables are always playing Germany vs Italy. As in one side’s players are all blonde and slavic, the other side’s players are all dark haired, swarthy and Mediterranean-looking.
  3. You pour half the bottle into the glass, but you take the first sip from the bottle. It’s only civilized.
  4. That Azonto song still gets play even in this day and age.




I was at Legends yesterday and somehow got roped into an actual game with Mister Deejay, he of SNMS fame and this is the result:


That means I lost. But that is a story for another day. I will tell it after the game I win.