My new car is lovely. She is a cosy warm embrace. Her air con works so she is also cool when it is hot outside and Kampala has decided to act like a gangsta and shoot us.
Bring da heat.
Cock the burner.
Load up the 38 special.
These are gangsta rap idioms that refer to guns as hot things. The last one is particularly clever because it takes the calibre of a rifle and also the temperature in degrees Celsius.
My new car does not have a working radio so I cannot listen to Ras Kass, Vakill, Crooked I and Jada when I ride.
I end up listening to Charlie Parker
And the more sensible music I keep on my Chromebook.
I don’t keep gangsta rap on my Chromebook. I find the lyrics morally reprehensible.
Why do you kill your friends? See your life, 50 Cent.
She is a UAR Spacio. She is black.
I call her The Enterprise.
Her predecessor was a silver kikumi mu kikumi named Fiona who taught me that things can get ambiguous when you name your car after a girl.
You hit a pothole and say, “Sorry, baby.” And your passenger flinches because she thought you were just friends.
Then you say, “I was talking to Fiona,” and it gets awkward because the other passenger in the back is also called Fiona.
The Enterprise had a week of firsts. Her first service, her first loving bath, her first full tank and her first long trip.
I got a full tank of Fuel Save from Shell Bugolobi to use traversing the city. I was keen to see what it could do.
I had plans of visiting rare corners with my full tank.
That did not materialise.
Because I am a busy man. I can’t just be driving to Mukono on a whim.
My circuit is typically Najjera 2 to office in Industrial Area in the morning, then a brief excursion into town to pick up wifey and then back home.
Unless she has the car then it’s me who gets picked up.
Google maps tells me that is nine km according to google maps, but they think I drive Knight Rider.
We wanted Fuel Save to actually save us dime on fuel.
This weekend I had Boyce Avenue, Rhymefest, Lifehouse, Jennifer Hudson, a guy called McCoy Turner and a lot of podcasts from John Oliver.
I also ripped Hannibal Burress stand up from YouTube.
Then on Saturday morning I left Najjera, went to Bukasa, picked up my niece who studies in outside countries, drove her to the airport, played That’s Not My Name by The Ting Tings, drove back
And still had five trips round the work-home circumference.
Not counting the night I watched Fast and Furious 7, because I remember how I drove after Fast Six, so I took a boda.
The Enterprise endorses Shell FuelSave. We like it. It is like my favourite brand of coffee. Good African keeps me going. And FuelSave keep her going.