The Ugandan Solar Bus: Ugandan Tech For Ugandan Times

 

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I’d like to be excited about having a solar powered bus made in Uganda, but oba where is my patriotic fervor?

Is it because I am so urban middle class I don’t even use the regular bus?

Or is it because I would much rather our compatriots at Makerere were unveiling something that snobs like myself would actually have use for. Like this: Why is it that we still light our homes, power our fridges, work our fans, irons, heaters, phones and TVs with UMEME?

walube-kyalya-Maureen

Seriously, if we stop being so dunderheaded as a nation we would develop, take lessons from our history and move ahead. By now a power cut should mean that we have to finish the series on the laptop instead of the TV.

 

But I am not here to campaign for your candidate. He can make up his own lies.

(Or her. Not that she even matters. She’s just a dummy)

 

Let’s offer some constructive tips to MUK faculty of Solar Powered Public Transport Motorisation on how to make a bus that is truly suited to the Ugandan’s needs, one that will earn them unanimous acclaim. Pay attention, MUK

 

You, schuudent! Wake up!

 

Put in A DJ

Image courtesy of Stuart Miles at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Because if people are going to rabadub each other for the whole trip, can we at least have an appropriate soundtrack?

 

Wifi

Image courtesy of Stuart Miles at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

You know the scenario. You are in a crowded bus while on your phone whatsapping the group. A phone thief spots you and squeezes close. Snatches the phone. Quickly vanishes into the tight, huddled crowd. Sniggers to himself or herself in self-congratulations over a successful heist, and doing a quick gallery check to see if there are any nudes tabloid sites would be interested in. While doing this forgetting that phone-snatching is a growth industry and there is never only one phone thief in the bus, so within seconds, another thief has taken the phone. That one also vanishes. But then again that one pashes on jobbo and the phone goes. By the timeyou reach Kisementi a different muyaye altogether is tapping you on the shoulder asking if you want to buy a phone. That just happened to have been yours in Kiwatule.

 

In short buses should have wifi.

 

Equality:

ABC's Harry Potter weekend was well timed, since I was stuck in sick all weekend.

Uganda must respect religious freedoms and equality of all faiths and forms of worship. So if you have one of those Balokole who just up and sprout sermons in the bus, they should always be countered with a de… witchdoctor.

It’s a religion. They also dance at night, only they don’t make as much noise.

 

Seekers on Board

It is ridiculous that in a traffic jam, when it is hot, sweaty, and is steaming clouds of vapour off the backs of each and everyone on the bus, all we can find being sold by the itinerant merchant class aka hawkers aka #nomusisi is chewing gum?

What?

Incompetent baboon philosophy caused this. A lack of proper schooling. Hawkers, we need cold soda, water and or beer sold to us, not chewing gum. Provide those vital amenities.

 

After this we may become optimistic enough to expect that in the evening, as the bus rumbles down to the suburbs, that is if a solar bus runs at night, which it does, don’t be ridiculous, it does, we may expect that someone will also be selling chapati, rolex, and some of those sausages which we all know about but won’t admit in public. But we know. That is not beef, pork, goat… no it is not. We all know this. But we won’t admit it.

Image courtesy of nongpimmy at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

But we know.

 

Deodoriser

Just burst a spray at intervals every 20 minutes. Put a sensor on the door so whenever a male campus student enters it detects lumpen and sprays. And not Axe. We need something that will work on campus students. There are locally made chemicals which can handle the unique vigour of Ugandan university smells. Usually they are used in cattle dips to kill ticks, but we can expand the market.

Image courtesy of he told me I can use how I want

But jokes aside, congratulations. You invented, innovated, created and built. And that is what science is about. Even if the bus does not work as a commercial venture (which it won’t) the brainwork that made it possible will have plenty of diverse and valuable uses and applications in many other fields of endeavour. You, and we as Ugandans, should be proud.

 

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One last thing

 

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