President Museveni delivered his annual state of the nation address yesterday to a delighted throng of lickspittles and bootsnoggers and asskissers, all of whom swooned with glee at every drop of saliva that shot out of his ancient mouth as he droned on and on.
In attendance as well were thugs, turncoats, thieves, bandits and liars.
He also delivered the speech to a select few reasonable, intelligent, men and women of integrity and character who somehow managed to also be political figures.
The reactions to the speech were varied and diverse, depending on who you ask. We asked no one, but decided to make up shit, as we always do those of us who don’t have time to do real research.
Musajja Tulomunji, MP. “I feel very refreshed after the state of the nation address. It was a beautiful nap.”
Robina Atabobwine, MP: “He talk it in Engrish. Me Engrish many I no have many Engrish.”
Sentebere Marcusius, MP: “I want to thank the government for the parliament Ipad scheme. Imagine having to sit through all that without at least facebook and twitter.”
Alloys Matakyuma, MP: “Me I got to the next level of Candy Crush saga at last!”
Sumuwaya Negerikyendi, Min: “I think one of my colleagues stole my wallet while I was sleeping. Thieving ministers! Something needs to be done about them.”
Fleshy Mankabulero, Min.: “So what if you found me with his wallet? You can’t prove that I stole it. Just that I have it.”
Ms Missy Aliot, MP: “Playing footsie with colleagues in the Serena is not as easy as it is in parliament.”
Nyonjo Omulu Min: “I will now go and have some sex with someone aged 19 or 20. Please excuse me. I am doing badly.”
Francis Lokodo, Min: “Miniskirts make me feel funny down there.”
Moses Ali, Min: “I was not asleep. Msssssw.”