The Main Ugandans: Jennifer Musisi

Also known as
Mrs Musisi
Jenny from the block
Jeneral Zod
Its the juggernaut bitch
She who came in like a wrecking ball

What does she do.
She fixes Kampala.

What is wrong with it.
For starters, it is suffering from an acute case if the affliction known as being Kampala

Caused by
You. All of you. You horde of hooligans. Look at you.

Banaye, now what have we done. 
You steal manhole covers, litter, smell, bribe, litter, Bad Black, Ipsum, enjagga and not forgetting the night dancers from areas like Kiwatule, Kyebando and Nateete

Eviction of illegally settled slum-dwellers, whipping of hawkers to get them to get the fuggouttahere, planting of flowers, rejuvenating of roads, holding of carnivals, levying of taxes and keeping it gangsta one hunnid.

What about impeaching of Lukwago
Not her job. That’s just a hobby

Cannot kill. But Musisi has the hardest no-nonsense, don’t-even-try-it, puh-leese, whithering, putdown look ever. This look cannot kill, but this one can probably drain all the bladders in a boardroom.


Some of you must be labouring under the misapprehension concerning my resolve in this matter. Let me disabuse you of the false notion that I in any minute measure whatsoever give a flying rats behind about your swollen headed self aggrandizing politicking or the clownish shenanigans that accompany this folly. This is not Fifa on PS4 as in Not a game. I am giving everyone incompetent twelve seconds to get out of this room before I start to manifest my powers

Also known as
Jenny Grey the Phoenix

Chased away hawkers so now you either buy pk and handkerchiefs when you reach office or you sneeze into and chew your own socks. No more hawkers and vendors. CON

No more hawkers and vendors. If you have a real shop and we’re losing customers to hawkers. PRO

No more hawkers and vendors. Which is sad if your name is Brenda, Bagenda or Sitenda. Now you can never achieve the feat of being Brenda the Venda, Bagenda The Venda etc. CON

If you are Mulooka you can’t be a hawker. CON

Shiny happy grass and pretty sunny flowers and bees and fairies and prettiness in parts of the city. PRO

City is still ugly as fuck, though. CON