The Great Ntare Food Heist

Now this is a story all about how some teacher’s lunch got twist-turned upside down. I’d like to take a minute just sit right there, I’ll tell you how his guests ended up eating cassava — I ran out of rhyme. Anyway, presenting, the story.

Dramatis Personae: The main character is called Timothy Bukumunhe. That is not his real name, of course, I just chose it because Tim doesn’t know where to find me. He was a student at Ntare, the famous boarding school, several years ago.

Antagonist: That would be his teacher. Now, in the early nineties, unlike the current time of course, teachers were not noble, self-sacrificing angels who took seriously their vocational vows to mold the youth into better Ugandans. Teachers were evil ogres who delighted in nothing more than bullying. They loved to cane children, to make children scuttle around in fear, to treat children the way a psychopath treats his or her victims.

Theme: Hatred. The students hated the teachers.

Setting: The small, humble home of this one teacher, who we will call Timothy Bukumunhe, if for no other reason than that I imagine it could very well have been him. Timothy was sitting in his courtyard with a circle of visitors. I believe that they were very important visitors, probably here to negotiate terms by which he would escape prison time for someone he was caught defiling. This sort of thing happened in rural schools all the time. Teachers pouncing on underage village girls, mesmerising them with words like “equation” “steppes” and “valency” and then, when the girl was awestruck, illegally having carnal knowledge of her.

The Protagonist: Timothy the student was hungry and he hated the teacher. He was also delinquent enough to be off school premises without permission because, well, hunters are not fishermen –they don’t sit down and wait, they go out and find. Timothy the student was out looking for food to steal.

The Props: There was a saucepan of stew bubbling in the backyard of the teacher’s house, just about to come to boil, ready to serve the visitors on the other side of the house. It was the smell of this stew that drew Timothy the student to Mr Bukumunhe’s house.

The Conflict: There was a housemaid. Well, probably some underpaid waif who had been roped into slave labour to the teacher. She was busy stirring the stew. Timothy the student had to get her out of the way.

The Cunning Plan: Timothy snuck into the house, since there was nobody inside– the maid/slave was outside cooking, the Master of The Manor was also outside, begging for an easy bribe from the parents of the girl. The house was unprotected. Timothy the student hurricaned through like a violent wind, collecting every scrap of paper he could find.
He then piled these papers up and made a circle round the premises to appear as if he was coming in from the back gate.

Dialogue: “Hello maid-slave woman. How is your day going? I hope it is pleasant. I am a student of your master’s here on an errand. He has asked me to carry these test papers to his home so that he can assess them and mark them and perhaps see how many of them are failed by students he can then cane for his pleasure,” said Timothy the student.
The maid grunted bashfully because she had neither grace nor self-esteem and with averted eyes took the papers and vanished into the house with them, to place them on the master’s work desk.

The End: Then Timothy the student took the chance to pick the stew off the fire and run off with it. If he got caned for this, it would be on a full stomach. That’s the story. My word count is done. Have

Now this is a story all about how some teacher’s lunch got twist-turned upside down. I’d like to take a minute just sit right there, I’ll tell you how his guests ended up eating cassava — I ran out of rhyme. Anyway, presenting, the story.

Dramatis Personae: The main character is called Timothy Bukumunhe. That is not his real name, of course, I just chose it because Tim doesn’t know where to find me. He was a student at Ntare, the famous boarding school, several years ago.

Antagonist: That would be his teacher. Now, in the early nineties, unlike the current time of course, teachers were not noble, self-sacrificing angels who took seriously their vocational vows to mold the youth into better Ugandans. Teachers were evil ogres who delighted in nothing more than bullying. They loved to cane children, to make children scuttle around in fear, to treat children the way a psychopath treats his or her victims.

Theme: Hatred. The students hated the teachers.

Setting: The small, humble home of this one teacher, who we will call Timothy Bukumunhe, if for no other reason than that I imagine it could very well have been him. Timothy was sitting in his courtyard with a circle of visitors. I believe that they were very important visitors, probably here to negotiate terms by which he would escape prison time for someone he was caught defiling. This sort of thing happened in rural schools all the time. Teachers pouncing on underage village girls, mesmerising them with words like “equation” “steppes” and “valency” and then, when the girl was awestruck, illegally having carnal knowledge of her.

The Protagonist: Timothy the student was hungry and he hated the teacher. He was also delinquent enough to be off school premises without permission because, well, hunters are not fishermen –they don’t sit down and wait, they go out and find. Timothy the student was out looking for food to steal.

The Props: There was a saucepan of stew bubbling in the backyard of the teacher’s house, just about to come to boil, ready to serve the visitors on the other side of the house. It was the smell of this stew that drew Timothy the student to Mr Bukumunhe’s house.

The Conflict: There was a housemaid. Well, probably some underpaid waif who had been roped into slave labour to the teacher. She was busy stirring the stew. Timothy the student had to get her out of the way.

The Cunning Plan: Timothy snuck into the house, since there was nobody inside– the maid/slave was outside cooking, the Master of The Manor was also outside, begging for an easy bribe from the parents of the girl. The house was unprotected. Timothy the student hurricaned through like a violent wind, collecting every scrap of paper he could find.
He then piled these papers up and made a circle round the premises to appear as if he was coming in from the back gate.

Dialogue: “Hello maid-slave woman. How is your day going? I hope it is pleasant. I am a student of your master’s here on an errand. He has asked me to carry these test papers to his home so that he can assess them and mark them and perhaps see how many of them are failed by students he can then cane for his pleasure,” said Timothy the student.
The maid grunted bashfully because she had neither grace nor self-esteem and with averted eyes took the papers and vanished into the house with them, to place them on the master’s work desk.

The End: Then Timothy the student took the chance to pick the stew off the fire and run off with it. If he got caned for this, it would be on a full stomach. That’s the story. My word count is done. Have a nice week.