The City Of Dreams Ain’t Always What It Seems



I don’t get this.

We love Jenny. Or you do. I just love making up nicknames for her. I have never even eaten any of her cakes.

But I do know that the city needs to be better organized and people who build on wetlands should get off them because they make the roads get flooded and make our Nikes smell when we get into the office and that concerts need to stop making noise for us. Especially Bebe Cool. I know all this. I appreciate this. And I believe Jen Grey is just the superhero to do it.

But this part, I don’t get.

In the middle of town, between the side of the road where the taxi drops you and the side on which you want to be, there is, naturally, the road itself. And in the middle of the road there is a lovely green garden that glows verdant green in the late afternoon sunlight.

I get out of the taxi when I am tired of it and stand still and straight. I look across at my destination. I plot a flight plan. It usually involves a bee-line. When the moving traffic allows, I embark on my journey.

This means when I get to the ka-island in the middle of the road I climb over the grass cos I don’t give a shit. Just cos I’m from SMACK you think what.

Don’t give me that look. NO. I am not remorseful. I am not ashamed. I am pissed off. That thing should not be there in the first place.

Since you asked…

A city is a place of business. It is not a place of prettiness whose major purpose is the breeding butterflies and the access to sex of various flowers. It is not there for the pretty. It is there for the business. If it achieves prettiness in the process of carrying out business, this is great, but that is not its primary purpose.

A city is a place for busy people to go to make their money—to pay their bills and to kubanja their victims. It is for people who have things to do. For it to function most efficiently it has to allow us to get to our money quickly and with least hindrance.

Anything that obstructs the trip between me and my business is a bad aspect of the city. For example, if you put a traffic island, even one that is so gorgeous and plush and luxuriously green as the ones Jenny The Juggernaut has wrought, in the middle of a road, and I have to spend more minutes walking around to the other corner to find the gazetted crossing area and then walk back to reach my client, (yes, I have clients. I am a busy man) then that is damaging our city. And I love you, Jenny, I really do, but not your traffic islands.

Me I’ve jammed.