The Best of The Internet. Don’t Waste Your Smartphone

Airtel Anita is the chick who sells me my daily data. I go to her stall and raise two fingers, the index and the ring, and she rips off a 2k strip and always, without fail, asks if she can squash it.

To which I reply in the negative. I don’t like pre-squashed airtime. For personal reasons I will not discuss here because I don’t want to have to relive that trauma and because your business can be those ends while mine is the other side. Let’s just get on with the story leave me alone.

 

  • Anita, I heard you were looking for a blesser.
  • Who told you dat?
  • Rolence The Rolex Seeker said that you went to Sally the Salon Chick and asked her to give you a hairpiece so that you can attract an older lover with money to spend on you.
  • Shyaa. Sally to give up a whole hairpiece for free? Not even for cheap.
  • Rolence said that after Sally told you to go to gehena you crept into her garbage and picked the ones that had been removed from customer’s heads and sewed them back together.
  • Yeah. That’s what I did. In this mulemb you have to yiy.
  • Anita, I really admire how far you have decolonised yourself. You have even colonised the colonialists language.

I buy 2k daily so I can get 100MB. I have a smartphone. People with smartphones should NEVER live a life without downloads, streams and youtube. Because why did you buy a smartphone if you want to act like you broke?

That’s like buying a car and just walking next to it.

 

  • Do you think it looks pretty?
  • It looks pretty weird.
  • I wanted a yes or no answer.
  • Yes.
  • Good.
  • If a person got a black chicken and soaked it in rain water and then put it upside down on your head it would look prettier.
  • How am I going to get my blesser without a weave? Blessed are the weaved, not the rest of us.
  • Maybe go nacho hair.
  • If you are nacho people expect you to be independent and strong willed and not willing to be a docile sex object for money. Struggle is real.

Let us kill our bundle with this, the top of the Ugandan internet charts this week. Number One Emmy Winner by  ace photographer Martha K who just decided to Instagram one day and it all went viral. So viral, in fact, that if you have seen it before just shut up and watch it again.

https://web.facebook.com/kemigisha.kagimba/videos/10207977782780258/

 

EEh. Heh. Afterlols even. You know afterlols. That is when you laugh, then when you finish laughing you take a deep breath and release one last, “Eeeh heh.”

 

So we were jazzing Anita.

  • Anita, I also want a blesser by the way. I’m tired of suffering in my poverty.
  • No, boss. Blessers are for the youth. Gaway. You work hard and make your own money.
  • Why can’t I have a blesser? I am not that old.
  • Yes, you are, Baz. Internet found you here even. You were chilling with your blog on a paper just waiting for them to invent internet.
  • Is that a chuck?
  • No, facts are not chucks. Besides, I am just trying to encourage you to be self-sufficient. Work hard, make your own money then you can bless others.

 

First wait. Timothy CODE is this dude I first heard when, for some reason I also don’t remember, I was in the studio of Urban TV when he did this freestyle for their segment called The Booth. After that I heard him on this jam with Kushe. Now he is hosting The Hood on Urban and occasionally sits in the XIT with K and Maritza.

 

Airtel Anita thinks I am not rich because I buy the two k scratch cards instead of the five or ten Ks. She needs to understand that I ball in other areas, but why spend so much on bundle when I can get all the bundle I need for two thouthanti?

Let me leave you with this. Remember YC and HAB of that other song? THis is the follow up. I swear this is the most fun I have had watching a music video since MC Hammer’s wet look caught fire during that taping in Durban.

 

This is Kill Your Bundle III

Where I curate the finest African and Ugandan multimedia content for your delectation.

 

Airtel is even doubling your data these days, so every time you load above 100mb you get doubled.

 

Anita got