At Entebbe Airport Immigration Check, the following took place. Tick tock.
Immigration officer Immy: You, the loud woman in the African print. Who are you and where are you going? Where are you going?
Nyanzi: I am thrusting my heaving African bosom to the Netherlands. So boy Bye.
Immigration officer Immy: Wait. Me as an immigration official I have to look at your documents and your visas and also to analyse the security issues involved with you travelling.
Nyanzi: What do you mean? I have the right to travel, me and all my bums and genitalia, we are free citizens who can move around, as a bowel moves bodily fluids.
Immigration Officer Immy: Why do you talk like that, with so much sexual imagery?
Nyanzi: Cos I’m Stella Nyanzi. And I loooove Eminem. Now, move your penis or whatever alternative gonad you wield and let me by. Netherlands awaits my oral orifice. I have rights. And reproductive organs. And valid travel documents.
Immigration officer Immy: Yeah, but international travel is another thing. You know these days of Trump you can wake up and find your visa has been cancelled overnight and you have to go to Somalia instead.
Nyanzi: Immigration officer, are you educated? Did the small testes in your trousers ever dangle over a stool in a lecture room?
Immigration officer Immy: I did international studies, but I didn’t learn anything. Our lecturer never showed up, mbu she is busy doing research so she doesn’t study.
Nyanzi: Okay finish caressing the computer with your sticky fingers so I can go to the Netherlands. You know that they have nude camps there? Yeah. A campsite where they kick you out for wearing clothes. I can’t afford to miss.
Immigration officer Immy: Oh no. We have a problem, Stellz.
Nyanzi: Don’t call me Stellz. Only my young vigorous lover calls me Stellz and even then he only gets to say it if he makes it past the fourth round. Otherwise call me Doctor Nyanzi.
Immigration officer Immy: Doctor Nyanzi, it says here you can’t go to Netherlands.
Nyanzi: Why? Are they scared of me? Why is everyone so scared of me? My young lover won’t even let me visit his parents!
Immigration officer Immy: No, the Netherlands are in Europe. They have plenty of sexually explicit talkers there. I believe they are the world leaders in internet porn. Not that I would know, I just hear. But I can’t let you go.
Nyanzi: Are you trapped between my massive jelly-storm of a pair of thighs like a skinny man attempting the insurmountable?
Immigration officer Immy: No, the Police say you have to stay around cos you still have a case to answer.
Nyanzi: I was at the police station. I was there and ejaculated a statement.
Immigration officer Immy: Yeah, they got your statement, but it seems that after they censor out all the sexual imagery and non-church friendly language, there are only five words left. So they need you to go back and record another statement. This time in English which can be quoted in court.
Nyanzi: What the ****** are you ****** &*^*******