Sevo Hearts Besigye? That Is Not What That Handshake Was

It’s the Pope. Let’s not tell ourselves lies about the Pope. It is the Pope. Let’s tell the truth.

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That was not the result of His Holiness’ divine power to bring reconciliation and to bring enemies together and to bring peace where there was rancour.

It was just a very uncomfortable situation. It was #thatawkwardmoment.

 

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It was like that time when you go for Qwela Junction and you see your ex those ends with a hot date. You, meanwhile, are on a miserably solo mission.

 

So you decide to duck and run. Head for the lavatories that your wretchedness may not be discovered during the intermission. You make it to the lavs. Then once there, you figure, “since I am here, I might as well go”, so you go, and when you are done, and are leaving, who do you bump into at the doorway of the lavatories but hot ex’s date? Then you have to grin and smile and nod like whaddap or do that thing where you lean in and peck the air around one another’s ears like “mwaah, darling!” yet inside you are full of rage and loathing and contempt and fury because not only did you miss part of the concert trying to avoid this person, but they also forced you to take a dump that was unscheduled.

 

Besigye and Sevo were not like, “I love you, man. I miss us. Let’s not fight any more. Can’t we just go back to the way things were?”

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Oh no.

 

This is what happened.

 

Sevo: And you are?

KB: Kizza Besigye! Dude, don’t act like you don’t recognise me.

Sevo: Besi? Wow! Look at you! It’s been what, 15 years? What have you been up to?

KB: Dude, I have been opposing you!

Sevo: REally? I have opposition?

KB: What do you think happens every election season? Who do you think the rest of us are?

Sevo: I ronno. Curtain raisers, I always assumed.

KB: But that hat and its arrogance. Sevo, we are here getting teargassed and you call us curtain raisers?

Sevo: What is teargas now? Us NRM people we have never encountered such a thing.

KB: That I hear what is tear gas. You man, you have made me haha.

Sevo: You mean that stuff Kale sprays around Kampala? I just thought he was helping the mayor wash the streets.

KB: Sevo, the least you could do is say sorry, man. Instead of standing there mocking me to my face.

Sevo: Well, if you don’t want people to mock you to your face, you should have brought a different face. Now gimme back my hand. I have presidential stuff to do with it. Deuces, Loser.

 

That is what really happened.  You know I’m right.

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