Have you ever watched a music video and asked yourself, what is the message they are trying to convey with this montage of seemingly-unrelated scenes of glamorous people doing glamour as the famous hit song plays. The answer is sometimes “none”. But that won’t stop me, the self-proclaimed analyst of this genre, from trying. Today we are looking at Bad from Tiwa Savage and Wizkid. Ma fimi shere oh.
It’s them Balogun kids, Tiwatope Balogun and Ayodeji Balogun. In spite of what your ignoramus radio DJ said last week, there is no relation between the two. That DJ is an idiot. He did not do well in school.
And this is as it should be. Tiwa Savage is too hot to be related to anyone. She was made alone. Those genes are exclusive and the combination of DNA that constructed Tiwa Savage shall not be replicated until the world learns to live in peace with no more war. Until then you are not worthy. You get only one.
Unless she has children. I don’t know if she does. I am not that much of a fan; I look at her and listen to her, but that is where my interest ends. Personal life? I have my own shit to deal with. I have my own sex scandals to get to the bottom of with without having to figure out other people’s.
No animals were harmed during the making of this film, and that is the industry standard. We don’t hurt animals, so I am going to presume that is just how goat bffs give each other high fives since they don’t have hands.
Although these don’t really look like hardcore gangstas. More like twee suburban fashion goats.
“Yo, I see you got your horns did, too!”
“Yeah, you like?”
“Omagaard, are we on fleek or whaaaa’!”
I am not entirely sure what the details are, but from my casual observation that is a Ducawasaki FY4000 sports bike, 2016 model, 34 cc, with hyperdrive suspension, aeon flux capacitor and quad core piston engine.
But like, I said, I’m not an expert. We can be sure, though that it is not the usual type of okada which the other Nigerians ride. Tiwa Savage does not ride the same okada.
Okada? It’s a motorcycle taxi in Nigeria. In my country we call them bodabodas, but there are there all over the world. Except America, but now that their country is to be run by an idiot, their economy will soon have them.
Tiwa, your hoops are so big that they could easily be spare parts for the bike. See how much in love I am with this woman? That is the closest I can get to making a joke about her.
Even when she does this– this thing called a dab. It is the most insufferable trend to be squeezed out of American pop culture rectum since the last instagram “challenge”. Is it supposed to be a dance move? What kind of dance move is that where people don’t even move?
And here is Wizkid, the collaborator in this song. It seems he agrees with whatever Tiwa is saying. That is why they call him Wizkid. Kids respect their elders and he is such a kid that he is, from the looks of him in this video, on recess from his day care centre.
Seriously, Wizkid. You look like you still raise your hands to get permission to go to the toilet. And if they don’t give you permission, they will have to bring a chance of skinny jeans.
And now two dogs. Speaking of no animals being harmed in the making of the video, I still hold that to be true. These animals look like it is them that do the harming. These are some thug dogs. They look like they have caught a couple of bodies, like they have seen action, like the kind of dog that barks and you don’t ask questions.
I just noticed something… there is a marked lack of hoochie mama booty-shaking in thisvideo. Usually music videos are full to the edges of the screen with young women facing away from the camera wiggling their little bums at us. But apart from a brief appearance at the beginning, we have no hoochie mamas. I wonder if there is like a hoochie mama union in Nigeria and they can go on strike and lay down tools.
Since their tools are their bums, then that would be a literal sit down strike, right?
These sports bikes are not great as okada bodabodas, apparently. Because they are not designed for passengers. And this is why: as you can see, Tiwa has developed back pain.
Now we see how much in love I am with this woman. Not as much as I thought. Because instead of wishing I could come to her aid and whisk her off to a hospital I am thinking, “Man, I no longer wish I had a ducati. Now I wish I was a ducati.”
Ooh! An ass! We have a hoochie mama breaking the strike?
Oh no. It looks like the accountant for the videography firm just got a cameo. That is no hoochie mama. I bet her name is Coretta and she is thinking of getting a masters, but she has a daughter (named Michelle after Obama) and she has to wait until she is old enough to be left behind for a year. I mean, Michelle is already very independent and strong, but you can’t help but worry, you know?
Yeah. That is the vibe I get.
Oh look. When Tiwa sings “One shot” she mimes firing a pistol at us. Remember when she did the dab? She did it while singing the word “double” Now it makes sense. It took me a while.
Now I notice that to make up for the missing hoochie mamas, we have an array of random dudes with varying hair styles. We have Congolese Afroman
The Swagg Professor
And Uncle Malachi
Finally the hoochies return, this time to attend a barbecue. That was a brilliant move on the part of the casting director of this video– if he can’t hire them to dance, just put out some barbecue and wait… wait… And there they are, they couldn’t resist. Roll cameras!
Ice cream, and candy and popcorn (not chocolate, candy. It is American.) thus subverting the usual cliches of alcohol and not-too-thinly veiled allusions to marijuana.
Hadangit, Savage can gerrit. I don’t even care now.
How do you deny global warming when the woman has become this hot?
This woman is in excess of fwainness. She must have taken someone’s share.
Ma fimi sherre oh! I believe you.
Previously in this Series, Jidenna’s A Little Bit More.