Review: Not Really Review. Preview of Angry Birds, The movie



The old school movie writers would always begin by telling you what the film was about. In this case that would mean telling you that the film is about a game where you shoot chickens at pigs.

It sounds awesome, right? Who wouldn’t want to see that? My visa debit card is already salivating in my wallet.

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Shooting chickens at pigs. I love doing that. I used to do it all the time before they called the LCs and I got a final warning to leave the livestock out of my drunken activities.

See this one thinking I am being sarcastic.


Angry Birds, the mobile phone game, was one of the most successful things done with iphones and android since these touchscreen telephony platforms were first invented by that ingenious Korean gentleman and no one who has made full use of his or her handset will dispute the immense pleasure there is to be derived from shooting chicken, more so shooting them towards pigs.

After a series of different Angry Birds games, we evolved into the next level, indeed, an Angry Birds movie.

Pause here and imagine you are a talented group of movie writers, unlike the vacuum cleaners who wrote Rush Hour 3. Imagine you know how to make comedies that are actually hilarious and someone comes and is like:

Hollywood Exec: Yo, you know that game, Angry Birds?

You and Co: Sure. We played it all the time before Candy Crush.

Hollywood Exec: Make a movie about it. Also, send me Candy Crush lives.

You and Co: Who still plays Candy Crush? Clash of Clans, nimbus.

Hollywood Exec: $$$$$$$

You and Co: Okay.


Here is why you should watch this movie.


Jason Sudekis is the star. He is funny as fuck, yo!

Maya Rudolph is funny as fuck.

Keegan Michael Key, Tony Hale, Hannibal Burress, Kate MacKinnon are funny as fucker.

when was the last time you saw a Peter Dinklage screen performance and regretted the time you spent with this most absolutely eminent entertainer?

Let us look at this trailer.


Violence is to be found in this movie, and it is meted out by Red, a bird voiced by Jason Sudekis who kicks someone the way I want to kick short teenagers when I see them in the mall wearing expensive hi-top sneakers. First of all, do you know why I don’t have expensive hi-top sneakers? Two reasons. One is that I left them behind in the 1990s when the rest of the world and I decided they were not cool any more. Even Will Smith left them behind. And you now you think what are you doing with them. That is not a question.

Two is because I pay too much of my personal income as tax which is meant to go into providing educational opportunities for the youth, to be able to afford expensive hi-top sneakers. Why isn’t your little rugrat ass in school. That is why I want to kick them.

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This implies that there might be, if not actual depicted sex, some implied coupling. Romance, rather. Just because birds come out of eggs and not out of genitals, this does not mean that birds don’t have feelings and yearnings for companionship. They don’t. Unless they are cartoons.


I switched gif-making programmes because I am not a patient man and this one is easier. I leave the w


Catch Angry Birds Movie at Cinema Magic, Acacia Mall. Today is #AirtelThursday.

I was going to say see you there, but I won’t see you. I be looking at the screen the whole time.