Have you ever watched a music video? Have you ever asked yourself what is going on and why? If the answer to the first question is yes, that is also the correct answer to the others because we all suspect that music videos serve a purpose but we don’t always understand what in the rat’s bum is ever going on.
That’s until I decided to swoop in and save the day. Wakanda is not a real country so Africa does not have any superheros. I’m all you’ve got.
Let us analyse The Video of:
Let us delve into a comprehensive analysis.
The story begins in a little boat in the open sea, one bearing two men.
The one at the back (or “Stern” if you want to be bourgie) has nothing on except a pair of shorts and looks suspiciously as if he doesn’t bother with underwear, which he finds trivial and time-wasting. I am going to call him Saul, after the most famous shirtless men in Africa, Sauti Sol.
The one at the front or “bow” side is wearing so much bright and flamboyant fabric he would be overdressed on the set of Game Of Thrones.
The discrepancy between their respective wardrobes is telling. These are not co-fishermen. These are not pirates. This is clearly a case of the returnee from America hiring some quick and easy local transport.
This is one of those situations when a been-to is so used to New York cabs that he won’t use the ferry like everyone else. He will just get the half naked boat guy.
Cut to the bathroom of a beachfront mansion. Here comes a woman in a sheer bathrobe. I think her name is Yvonne. She looks like an Yvonne. African Yvonnes have that air about them. She is about to wash her face, brush her teeth, comb her hair and the other stuff humans do in the morning, clear her sinuses etc, then she notices that she looks amazing already and there is no need for any further effort. She woke up flawless. Not even a grain of salt on the eyelid.
Is she a mjini? That is what they call them in Mombasa.Those magical women who live by the beach who are hot but not entirely human. They don’t even fart. That’s how you know a woman is a mjini. Feed her some yoghurt and if after an hour you don’t hear anything, well, either run, or if supernatural babes are your thing, high five yourself.
Told you that was a hired boat taxi! See the dude just leap off and abandon ship? That happens when the pilot of an illegally hired taxi which doesn’t have its mandatory third party insurance papers spots the authorities up ahead. Saul just ditches the vehicle and swims off.
Jidenna made it to land by himself. And he is completely dry, except for his hair which is dripping wet. This suggests that he must have lost control of the boat at some point, leading to the necessity of diving into the water and swimming to shore. The early morning sun was hot enough to dry the polyester or whatever synthetic fabric he has on that is the only substance capable of being as yellow as his suit, but the product in his hair is designed to conserve moisture so his head is still wet.
He breaks into Yvonne’s yard and finds his way to her veranda. Nkeeeem! He calls. I’m back!
Oh, Yvonne’s other name is Nkem.
They meet in a shaded veranda because Yvonne Nkem is a wealthy model so she does not live in one of those ridiculous slum hovels that are built with only one veranda. She has a separate veranda to entertain beachcombers from New York.
“Why is your hair like that?” she asks as she approaches. He tells her he had it relaxed because in America the police shoots you if your hair is nappy.
“You’re kind of overdressed for the beach, aren’t you?” She observes. “With that skinny yellow suit and gheri curl, looking like a Soul-Glo banana.”
“Says the woman who is walking around wearing her mosquito net,” he retorts.
With this playful flirtation, the kindling of their romance is relit. All that is left is dance. And later alcohol.
The scene with the alcohol. Yvonne is at a nightclub where she sits with her friends. One of them, I recognise, is Peace Kyomuhangi, a Ugandan who came to Lagos to get an MBA. Peace spots Jidenna at the bar and says to Yvonne, “Isn’t that that skinny brother with the wet head you were talking about earlier? He’s kind of fine, yeah? I mean, in a skinny damp-headed kind of way. Nkem, you need to smash that all kinds of ways.”
Yvonne is like, “You think?”
Oh look! Jidenna spent the night. And what a night it was– Yvonne managed to shake all the oily hair product off his head!
They return to the love veranda and he leans in to kiss her. Yvonne stops him: “Wait, put this hat on. There is still a bit of hair product dripping off your scalp and I don’t want it getting into my eyes.”
He wears the hat and they kiss. And that is what the video is about. Thank you. Class is dismissed.