Pilgrims Progress. Happy Martyrs One and All.

 

 

  • So this is Kampala.
  • And this here, meaning me, the fat man in the blue camoflauge uniform, this is a Kampala cop.
  • I hear you guys don’t take kindly to people walking.
  • We don’t take kindly to people, period.
  • So you are going to make my life hard?
  • As a member of the metropolitan police force, it is what I perceive to be my duty. So, towa kitambulisho.
  • Heh heh. It’s true what they say about Kampala police. Dumb as a bottle full of buffalo manure. Pause to consider how dumb that is. You get a bottle. Instead of filling it with more conventional bottle contents, you chose to fill it with buffalo manure. You go to the lengths it takes to collect buffalo manure and then put it in a bottle. You endure all the conviniences involved, from the smell to the threat of the buffaloes which are suspicious of people who go around collecting their shit. That is how dumb they say Kampala cops are.  Towa Kitambulisho? Dude, they haven’t issued kitambulisho yet.
  • In that case, I have no grounds to arrest you…
  • Then please, step aside. I have a pilgrimage to complete
  • Except…
  • Oh no. Don’t tell me idle and disorderly.
  • Idle and disorderly. It is criminal behavior and places you right in my clutches. Asssume the position. I don’t know if they have bootleg DVDs in Kisoro but despite what CSI shows will have you believe, you do not have the right to remain silent. Scream curses at the top of your lungs.
  • In Kisoro we have twitter. And we say LOL. SYL.
  • Meaning?
  • Meaning, compare the two of us: I have come walking across the country with a loaded backpack and a clear sense of purpose. You are just standing here waiting for people to harass. Who is idler?
  • What brings you walking from Kisoro?
  • Pilgrimage, man.
  • Pilgrimage to what?
  • To the Uganda Martyrs Shrine in Namugongo, man.
  • What are you going to do there? Sex, alcohol, reefer?
  • Actually, it is Kampala pilgrims who do that crap. Those of us who come from out of town, why should one walk miles for weeks just to drink and bone as if there is no alcohol and no punany where we are from? We are going to pray.
  • And what are you going to pray for?
  • After this journey? Mainly I am going to pray for a bus ticket back to Kisoro.

You may also enjoy...