OMG Beiber. Okay, let’s not get carried away.

As close as I could get to a picture of him looking threatening

Justin Beiber is a teen pop star. This is a job that keeps one busy. In addition to singing pop music, of course, the brief entails such extraneous tasks as serving as the butt of many people’s jokes. Teen pop singers are an easy target for comics and Bieber has been easy to hit.

I have made my share of cheap shots at the poor kid, and I won’t deny that I have enjoyed a few of them, but it has always been a bit half-hearted, because I know– I remember very clearly– that when I was a teenager I enjoyed my fare share of — let’s be charitable and call it “less sophisticated music.”
But the other reason I cannot rail at Beiber with the same gusto that would accompany a tirade at, say, LMFAO, is that I have heard the kabrat sing. The bad news is that he is actually talented. I am sorry to be the one to tell you that but it is true. He is a pretty good singer and dancer. Go ähead and hate but.

The third and final reason why I just gave up and threw off my hat and retired every attempt to make fun of Beiber, though, is latest news coming in revealing that he is a badass mofo who will break your freaking face if you piss him off like that manyiraring his woman.

A paparazzo dude tried to mess with Beiber and next thing you know he was dialing 911 emergency begging for an ambulance.

I can just imagine the call.

“Hello, 911. State your emergency.”
“I need… I need an. .. Ambulance… can’t breathe..”
“Calm down, sir. Help is on the way. Can you tell us what happened?”
“Was… Beaten… Ass handed… To me… gasp… Wheeze.”
“Did you see your assailant, sir? Can you describe him?”
“Yes. 5 foot seven… 120 pounds… Dumb hair style.”
“Was this a mugging, or is it someone you  know, sir?”
“I know the guy… It’s justin… Bei… Gasp. … Beiber.”
“Is this a joke, sir? You know that it is a felony to place fake calls to 911?”
“No… Really… Gasp… Beiber kicked my ass!”
“You sound like a grown man, sir.”
“A grown… Man with no… Ass left… Beiber kicked… All of it… Gasp.”

His “Mess with me again.”

Now, some people say the paparazzo is just faking it because he wants to sue and get paid. I don’t believe that. Because I don´t want to. I prefer to think Beiber went to town on the idiot, thunking his head in a couple of times, a roundhouse here, a few fists to the face, and finally he spit on the prone remains of this hapless dude and said, “Fuck what you heard, Shit aint sweet. Punk ass marks  jump up to get beat down. Toronto-style!”