Dear Miss Uganda,
You were appointed our queen last weekend and have been reigning for a few days now. Congratulations. I hope it has been fun.
But the honeymoon period is over. Now we want to know how you are going to get to delivering on the promises you made to the electorate. We demand that you do better than your predecessors who came with empty promises and left with those promises even more vacant, stunning all physicists in the process.
Promise schmromises. Beauty queen after beauty queen comes along and promises and yet the girl child is still suffering with poverty. Are you going to eradicate this shit or not? Be straight with us.
Uganda’s image you say you will raise, and make us as glamorous and enviable as Kim Kardashian before she hooked up with that rapper. And yet we are still to see quantifiable evidence of this having taken place. I will believe that you have achieved this when radio presenters in Houston fake Masaka accents.
We have been watching a lot of superhero movies lately and this has made us realise just how poorly Uganda is doing. Other countries have superheroes. In Fantastic Four, Mr Fantastic fought crime. In other comics, Ms Marvel fights crime. Even if it wasn’t a Mr/Ms title, Captain America fights crime.
Miss Uganda, it would be cool if you picked a hint. After all, if you are going to call yourself that.
Are you the hero Uganda needs?
Or just the meaningless, hollow, pointless, excercise in vanity and self-delusion that we deserve?