Hamzie Whatever, was crowned Miss Uganda this weekend, according to the New Vision of this Monday, which ran a front page story under the headline: Row Over Miss Uganda Winner.
I believe in the journalism of the New Vision. Standards are world class up there, especially according to the framed posters that hang on many of the walls of their headquarters, however this story in particular fell short of adequate. It neglected to answer the vital questions: Who, what, when and why that a classic news story is meant to address.
Particularly, Miss Uganda: Who the hell cares?, Miss Uganda: What the fuck for?: Miss Uganda: When will we learn to let this nonsense go—it doesn’t work any more? And, finally, Why do the newspapers think people still care?
Said row went as such. Apparently the painful-grinned, over-vaselined, beehive-coiffed mascot of irrelevance chosen to bear the nullest and voidest title of in the country: Miss Uganda, Hamzie Whatever, is not actually the one chosen by the judges, a panel of people who should have better things to do but probably could use the extra money because everyone needs to get an extra cheque now so they can get a new phone for their upcoming warid lines.
That was a very long sentence, so I will say it again without the long wind. Judges pick one pointless chick. Organizers crown another one.
You know what they should do to make Miss Uganda more interesting? Shuriken, katanas, a ring. Jyeah!