Meanwhile in Kenya


Afternoon in State House.

Day: Sunday

Aide: How is your excellency this afternoon?

Uhuru: My excellency is splendid, manze. Jameni I just discovered this inestimably brilliant new snack called Gorrillos. Absolutely brilliant. I hope it is not made out of real gorrillas, because if so, I just had renewed fervor for conservation of the species. Woiyee, these things are addictive. I say instead of making gorillas extinct, we should farm them like cows.

Aide: No, they are not made from gorrilas, your excellency. I presume they are made mostly from artificial flavouring.

Uhuru: They are incredible. Manze my mouth doesn’t want to do anything but eat more. When did we start making these?

Aide: Actually, your excellency, we don’t. They come from Uganda.

Uhuru: Oh, really? That is nice. It is good to see poor little Uganda exporting more than socialite sex to the rest of East Africa. Ah. Remember when their economy was better than ours? My excellency smirks smugly. With sympathy of course, not entirely with glee. We must remain diplomatic at all times.

Aide: Of course, your excellency. At all times.

Uhuru: How is Uganda doing now? I heard that Golola Moses had a fight there. Did he have his ass served to him not on a plate but wrapped in endagala?

Aide: Not this time, your excellency. His opponent was a local. So he won.

Uhuru: Golola Moses winning is like Sevo winning.

Aide: Speaking of which, they did have elections this weekend. The results just came out.

Uhuru: Really? Uganda manze they can waste money. I guess we should send a message to Sevo congratulating him on his win, right? He did win of course. Make me laugh and say he was voted out.

Aide: Lols are not my job, your excellency. For that, you should hire Churchill to do your briefings.

Uhuru: Sawa sawa. Send a tweet or something. In fact, because we Kenyans are not as wasteful as Ugandans, just get that tweet I sent to Magufuli and change the names and then recycle it.

Aide: Done, your excellency.  

Uhuru: By the way, Golola Moses is not the one who makes Gorillos, is he? You know Ugandans and the way they treat L and R as if they are co-wives who can be interchanged depending on the temperature of the night.

Aide: I will have to check on that…