#KlaRestaurantWeek: At Endiro

Due to circumstances beyond any of my control and beyond any of your business, too, come to think of it, so stop judging, I have found myself dining alone on this occasion of Kampala Restaurant Week.

It is not anyone’s fault. Sometimes two people just aren’t meant to be together. It has nothing to do with who slept with who’s Askari’s common-law wife  or who sold who’s land without telling who or who always forgot to flush, so stop judging me.

So here I am, wretched, pathetic, abandoned and alone, loveless and lonely.

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And kind of hungry because heartbreak consumes calories. That’s why Taylor is so skinny. 

So I went to Endiro.

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Endiro is two things. One: It’s on Kampala Restaurant Week’s circuit, which means I can go there and eat the ass off a three course meal.

Two: one of my favourite cafes. I like it because they have great service, and that service often brings me that black tesseract-ass coffee. Endiro coffee is so good it makes me see sound. Winnie Nwagi’s voice looks like a bouquet of blue flowers. That song 7 Years Old by Lucas Graham looks like the fresh red paint job on a sports car.  Ofwono Opondo’s voice looks like the hair on back of a stray dog that just peed itself. 

 

I am going to do this alone. Kale I have friends on facebook but none at my table?
That means that this food has a lot of work to do. Not only does it have to kick my hunger’s ass, it has to kick my loneliness as well.

When I was seven years old my mother told me, son, get yourself a wife or you’ll be lonely… Get a grip Baz! Pull yourself together!

I remember the best pizza I ever had. It was so good I couldn’t even hear what my date was saying. She was all, “My hopes and dreams, my opinions on things, my personality and anecdotes about my life” and I was just “Mummmffffmummmffff oggeh. Mmmm.”

Maybe that’s where the problems began. I never listened to her feelings…

Get a grip, Bazanye! Get it together!

Endiro, at Kisementi, here we go.

 

Starter

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Carne Asada Crostinis
with Ugandan Bududa Bukalasi Craft Coffee.

The starter is three stumps of bread with cheese and pineapple and meat and some flora on top. As the photo shows it is very pretty, but my immediate attention is drawn to this glass. It looks like it contains the tears of joy Andy Durfesne cried at the end of Shawshank Redemption

I took a sip.

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Oh my. Oh my. Oh my. City real estate mogul Sudhir Ruparelia has never inboxed me to say he loves my blog and wishes I could post faster so he is sending a boda with a brand new MacBook Air free of charge like bakuwe but I am pretty sure this feeling is quite close to 25% of the emotion that will incite. 

Main Course

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Coffee Rubbed Pork Chop Sandwich
Coffee Candied Bacon and Grilled Pineapple served with Cold Brewed Bududa Coffee.

Bacon rubbed in coffee. Like my life. My life is rubbed in coffee too. I love it. The bacon is sweet and that is causing some cognitive dissonance within my synapses, but my waitress is kind enough to smile and assure me that I am not going crazy. Everything is as it should be.

Ice coffee that was brewed for twelve hours. The way I am not sleeping tonight banange? I am going to write five movie screenplays and eight novels by six am.

Cold brewed coffee is making me see the future. I am finally beginning to see that there is such a thing as too much caffeine. I should slow down.

.

 

 

Dessert

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Aztec Frozen Mocca

It also has coffee in it. I know I told my heart I will not caffienate it any more but they put syrup and cinnamon and chocolate into this concoction and  “No” is a very hard word to pronounce when you have a straw full of all those things sticking into your mouth.

 

In conclusion

Usually I overeat and get the itis, so I coffee up to fight it. But this is the first time I have been both full and supercaffeinated. Coffee usually makes me more focussed, more intelligent, but there is a threshold beyond which I just have an avalanche of energy and crazy ideas.

So I called Siliviya the Askari’s wife to ask of he is on duty tonight cos if I am going to be up all night…

 

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