It Was Fun While It Lasted



So Golola Moses flunked the retake. Shame really, but then again, all good things expire eventually. The saying insists on it.

I have no interest in kickboxing, or any other real martial sport. I prefer my violence to be accompanied by a heavy techno soundtrack, with the fighters hung from invisible wires, choreography by a decorated Chinese gentleman in sunglasses, (Maybe Corey Yuen—he did a good job in Romeo Must Die and Kiss Of The Dragon) and with the appropriately-spaced wise-cracks and quips.  If it’s not in a movie I’m not interested.

But I did enjoy the Golola phenomenon for the fact that it was fun, of course, but mostly because he totally shoved it in the face of The Media.

The Media is a smug and self-important herd of ducks if there ever was one. A bunch of hacks, tattletales and praise singers who aggrandize themselves by referring to themselves with definite articles and capital Ms. Mbu that I hear “The Media”.

They believe that they have the “power” to “influence society” and this makes them feel like very vital little gods in their cubicles where they type out their stories even though they strike the semi-colon mark way too frequently and always write “everyday” instead of “every day”.

They believe that they are the ones who tell you what to think.

Well, if this were true, I keep arguing, not that it helps, why can’t you influence society into buying more papers, huh? Why can’t you influence society into doing That? Huh?

That ought to shut them up, but it doesn’t, because, well, the media exists to utter: to either print or broadcast and it wouldn’t be the media if it ever shut up.

They believe that it is them responsible for your celebrities. They believe that they are the ones who present people to you as heroes, and you, gullible and pliable and trusting as a sheep, accept them and comply.

It is the system that brought Rachel K and Angela Katatumba and kept telling you they were popular singers even though none of you really cared about their songs. (Or in the case of Ms K, their “songs”. Mustn’t forget the inverted commas of sarcasm.)

But what I loved about Golola was what a shambles he made of that system.

Okay, so he first came to our attention through NTV, on the throwaway Point Blank clip, but we took it from there. The meme was all us, the audience, talking amongst ourselves, that the web amplified until Golola Moses was a phenomenon who could even be used to make money.

All the while The Media was oblivious. I remember yelling my weedy little voice hoarse in the newsroom when I wanted to run a story about Golola Moses, and being met with this objection: “Who knows him? Just you and your friends.”

Now I am sick of Golola jokes and refuse to write any while The Media are on NTV talking about him hanging clothes on MTN lines as if it is still hilarious. Kale a joke that is three whole years old…


*I know I work in the papers and sometimes I am The Media, but I am also The Audience sometimes. Like when I wrote this post.