It Could Be Worse: The New Cabinet

Merry Christmas, Ugandans. Here is a new cabinet.


Twitter does not approve. Of course not. Twitter is not about approving, it is about complaining. That’s it’s job.
You know why it’s 140 characters? Because that is exactly long enough for a knee jerk outrage reflex but way way too short for considered and informed opinion.

Does it sound as if I am taking Sevo’s side in this?
That is because, well, kinda. After comparing Don Wanyama and pretty much every other FDC apologist on the socials, I have decided to switch sides. I have loans to pay and my car needs a paint job and I want an S7 and I just want to buy happiness, so I need money.yellow_neera

So you complain about the cabinet? I say you don’t know what you’re whining about. Let me show you what to whine about.

Minister of Foreign Affairs.

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Shanita Bradley Bad Black Naluyima
We already know that has experience in screwing Britain out if it’s money. So she will get the donor funds, embezzle them, and get caught. Lousy minister getting caught.

Minister of Ethics and Integrity
Socialite Zari Hussein. Cos if you are going to have someone impose their own arbitrary and personal sexual standards on the entire country, why not someone who put out a sex tape?

Minister of Finance
Socialite Zari Hussein. Cos all we see her do is waste money, and yet she doesn’t seem to go broke. Uganda could use this talented individual in a position of power. Also, it means she finally gets a job.

Minister of Internal Affairs which includes police and ID projects.

Semen Lokodo.
There is a video clip we did on Business Unusual where he personally took himself to the ghetto where some no-account hitless local artist who had made a music video he found illegally arousing, one Panadol W’Abasajja, was to be found.
He had obviously watched the video. He knew what the woman looked like. He had seen the video. Enough to deem it criminally sexy.
But what does he do when he walks up to her? What does he ask?
“Panadol. You are de one? ”
He has already forgotten what she looks like?
Put this guy in charge of national IDs.

As for police and law enforcement, after all that noise about the bill, we still rock our minis, biotch!

Minister of communication
The dumbest most annoying most mashed-chaps-in-the-skull-instead-of-brain matter most fake-accent most laugh-at-his-own-lame-jokes radio presenter in Uganda.
You know the guy’s name. I don’t need to say it.
Seriously, that dude starts talking and I would rather listen to state of the nation address.

Minister of housing
Bebe Cool

Minister of Justice
That is the guy who deals with the courts and judges and what not?
Shanita Bad Black Bradley Naluyima

Minister of culture
Shanita Bad Black Bradley Naluyima
Who bleached 120% of the natural melanin out of her skin. She is so light now they she can legitimately call Donald Trump a nigger.

Minister of health
Martin Samoa.
Just makes me sick.

And finally, because this joke has not become old yet,
Minister of water