iParliament and the Mystery of The Junk Tablets

When the parliament of Uganda realised how much they were spending on paper and stationery, and stationary, and dictionaries to find out which of the two words was applicable in that sentence, when they realized that that bill came to 12 million dollars a year, they did what any modern forward thinking Institution would do in the cyber age.

They  got each of the 375 MPs an iPad

Wait. Don’t get upset yet. We know Ugandans and Ugandan knickers and how they love to get twisted, but do the calculations and you will find that it actually saves money. If you had an iPad instead of a picfare exercise book, this would be much easier for you.

And so our parliament, august house adorned with marabou stork shit, and filled to the rafters with the haughtiness of people who feel entitled to call themselves honourable, kind of got itself a measure of cool, because everyone in it has an iPad now.


Now our MPs can swipe up and across touch-screens when they make legislative bills, like our infamous anti-pornography bill, the one which we heard would illegal to wear a miniskirt.


Turns out they didn’t have the app that’s makes the bill a law and so, Sharon O, you can come out now.

It was a delightful turnaround when we heard Francis Lokodo (I will not demean the clerical honorific by attaching it to such a low character) gibber about how he had been misquoted. “Did I say no miniskirts? No, the law doesn’t even mention miniskirts. Squirt. Squirt!”

I imagine people squirt little droplets of pee into their underwear when they have to swallow words so embarrassingly.

So this means, perhaps, that the MPs were free to watch Chandiru’s music videos on these gadgets. Or at least they were until last week when some MPs came out complaining that their iPads stopped working once they left the building.

We were ready to be outraged. Shoddy deals? Misuse of government funds? Did someone buy substandard machinery and defraud the taxpayer? First Junk Helicopters, not Junk iPads?

Not really. It is just that the free Wi-Fi didn’t go past the parking lot. The three-week training the MPs received to teach them how to use things seven-year-olds learn in hours, had not got to that part.


So now the Ugandan MP can drive his or her state provided forty-thousand-dollar 4-wheel drive vehicle and park it in the secure 14 million dollar parliament parking lot then walk in and earn a sitting allowance while discussing how to lift this developing nation out of poverty.


Is there an iPad app for financial management of developing economies?