Interview: With Peter Sematimba. Half an Interview, Actually

Good morning and welcome to the part where I act like a serious journalist and present to you my exclusive one-on-one interview with former Busiro South MP Peter Sematimba. Unfortunately due to circumstances beyond my control such as transi I was unable to actually meet Pirra, so I can only present half of the interview, that is the half with the questions. 

Q: Peeder, you are a pioneer, a legend in many Ugandan industries. You introduced contemporary Ugandan music to us. You introduced commercial vernacular radio to us. You introduced Valentines Day to us. All went off with flying colours. What made you decide to stop being successful at stuff and switch to failing at shit, leading to your aborted attempts to sustain a political career?


Q: Do you share bleaching and make-up tips with Shanita Bradley Bad Black Beibe?


Q: What is the square of the hypotenuse of an isoceles triangle? No wait. That question was written before we found out that you are uneducated. Scratch that.


Q: Perrurr, is your role model the kid in Hunger Games? You have similar sounding names, and you both have light skin, and he also ended up supporting the Movement government when everyone thought he would be opposition.


Q: But why does Parliament insist that members should have high academic qualifications and yet it does not insist that members should have any intelligence whatsoever? Parliament is ridiculous and stupid, man. You saw them making a bill nti if you see a woman’s upper leg you will go to jail? What kind of mbaff bomboclart is that?

giphy (2)

Q: Bambi, now you have to pay tax on your allowances like the rest of us. Sorry. That is a question.


Q: What plans and programmes did you have in mind for Busiro South that would have benefited the community if you had not been removed from Parliament, and what measures have you taken to actualise these plans now that you are no longer a legislator? Or is it more like, fuckkem, let that Sekigozi hyena regurgitant of theirs sort them out?


Q: Kale we have missed out on hearing debates between you and Kato Lubwama. We have really missed out, eh?