Happy Toni Braxton Day

Those of us with Americans are probably getting ready to celebrate the holiday event they call Halloween. It is a yearly feast Americans mark where they remember the witchcraft that is responsible for the success of their nation.

Ugandans celebrating Halloween is, therefore, obviously, very, completely silly. Our witchcraft has done nothing for us, so why should we?

Besides, the Lord abhors such evil, so style up.

I propose that this year, instead of being evil, we should give the attention due to the day that comes after Halloween.

In 1998 the UN designated November 1stInternational World Toni Braxton Day. On this day, the world, or at least the civilized parts of it, mark the freaking hotness of Toni Braxton who, at one time was the hottest woman alive.

It was one afternoon in 1996, when Halle Berry had an allergic reaction to a nut-based resin that had been used to make a cocktail and had half her face swell up. Before the swelling subsided, Toni took over the number one spot.

Toni Braxton’s contributions to international culture, not to mention international population growth, through the consistent quality production of baby-making music helped shape modern Earth in many profound ways.

One example is this: The genesis of the decline of the magazine and newspaper industry can be traced to right after Vibe stopped publishing pictures of Toni Braxton with no drawers on. Right after that issue, things began to go downhill.

So this year let us not forget our civilisation’s true heroes. Happy Toni Braxton Day.