Government Computers cost 11 million. And You Do What.

WhatsApp-Image-20160517As you can tell, using your own computer, what some of you insist of calling a phone, even though it… wait. Let me restart this sentence. People, a smartphone is not a phone. It has not been a phone since Ideos. It is a computer, man. It is a computerised digital camera, computerised digital music player, computerised internet surfer handset, computerised webchatting device, computerised gaming console and in general, a computer. It is barely a phone especially considering how many of us hate actually receiving phone calls and yet we can’t get our big fat amphibian-looking eyes off the things. So basically, as we were saying, as you can tell using the google on your own computer, that comes down to…

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10 million shillings per computer.


As a Ugandan, specifically a computer-enabled Ugandan with access to twitter and facebook, you are going to hear this and fly into a rage. Because that is what Ugandan tweeps do whenever they hear anything regarding the government. You lose your shit.

Government of the republic of Uganda has…

And even before Ofwono Opondo finishes what he is saying we have already started hashtagging #twakowa


I am not judging, though. It is not your fault that the government only does things that piss us all off. Frankly, even if Ofwono Opondo tweeted that Scarlett Johansson is coming to Uganda to find a dashing middle-aged lover who isn’t interested in anything too serious, I would still find a way of beefing with it.

But this time I think we should be objective. Not everything is a scam, not everything is inflating the costs of government procurements as a trick to find ways of pocketing national funds. Not everything, most things, but not everything government does is corruption.

So they say a laptop costs 10 shilling? Why not? You think that just because your computer is an ideos that means all computers?

Just cos your Macbook cost only 5ma, that doesn’t mean gavumenti phones have to be as cheap.

Why Gavumenti Laptops Cos 11 ma




Okay? You think this is the same cheap shit as your guWindows brick? This laptop runs on experimental arc-reactor technology and instead of your regular 11” screen, it boasts a revolutionary holographic interface and if the DPC wears it he will turn into Iron Man. And shall be able to pee in his suit as well.


Comes with VPN pre-installed. Some of you were wondering why it was that, even after the UCC (Uganda Censors Committee) blocked use of shosho media last week, some government entities and institutions were still tweeting gaily away about the swearing or swearings-in. How? You pondered.

Because of high-end computers like this. They come with VPN pre-installed.


As you know because you are not an idiot, Uganda is very serious about stemming the flow of pornography and pornographic content through the internet. And as you know, because you know, and we know you know, porn is pretty much eighty percent of the computer world. So to make a computer which is pure, virgin, unsullied, uncontaminated, a porn-proof computer, one which no one will ever be able to defile with porn, you need to add extra GIgabytes of RAM cycles to the processor and it can wind up costing a lot of money.