Express Your Personality With Personalised License Plates

 

 

Hello Ugandans. Hello Ugandan drivers. Does any of you drive a car with personalized license plates? There must be many questions you ask yourself about your on-road experience vis-à-vis other drivers, those with regular government-issued public sector plates. I am going to answer the chief of these questions today.

You often find that when you want to enter a junction, no one stops to let you in. You wonder why this is so, don’t you?

The answer is that it is because we assume you are a douchebag. It’s that simple. You may rest your mind, put it at ease now.

It is just something we assume. We assume that a person with personalized license plates is the type of nyarsh who drives at 20kmph because he is talking on the phone all the while holding up like nine cars behind him who are forced to crawl at this pace because dude wants to hear a campuser tell him she misses him. Even though she’s lying, she just wants him to buy her tickets for Sean Paul or whatever.

We assume that people with personalized license plates are the type of wart which, if met in oncoming traffic, keep their beams full, blinding us because they don’t care if kikumis and duets and coronas and vitzes fall in to ditches because they can’t see the side of the road.

We assume they are that sort of douchebag.

Now, it is mathematically possible, marginally so, but possible, that you, with your plates, are not a douchebag. We are just not ready to take that chance. If you drive in Uganda you learn that it is better to be safe than sorry.

If you are a douchebag, however, you are probably thinking at this point nti, “Fuck Baz. He is just jealous of my sweet-ass personalized license plates. Nuggu just. Heh heh.” The last bit is because douchebags laugh at their own words.

You are not exactly right. I am jealous of the money you have that you could spend on personalized license plates. If I had that money I would be so happy. I would get myself a new Google Nexus tab and wifi in my home and then I would buy a wardrobe of suits, because I was recently reminded that men in suits are treated better than scruffy punks like me. I would not buy personalized license plates with that money.

However, if I DID have that money, I would not be jealous. But you would still be a douchebag.