Dear MTN, Get Off My F***ing Case

Dear MTN, I am not lonely enough to need an sms system to find friends for me. And even if I was living in the deepest darkest cave of Mhavura where no other human has set foot in eons, a place so remote that even the Bachwezi abandoned it, I still would not be interested, because if I signed on that would mean I only meet people who are doing so badly that they need to pay sms to find someone willing to talk to them. Why aren’t real people talking to these characters? My guess is that it is because they are boring. Either they are very boring or all they talk about is cats. Or which politician is gay. Or that Afrika should Rise, or any other topic ain’t nobody gat time for.

So here’s what you should do instead of harassing me with your bullshit. Get those people and give them a number to dial which will take them to an automated voice which just mumbles, “Oh, really?” “Wow!” “Really?” “That’s fascinating!” at eight-minute intervals. They can call and get some sort of masturbatory release from it. And you don’t have to keep trying to pimp them on to people like me who have lives that don’t include time to waste on them.

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