Cut And Paste The Warning Or Else

Starting July 4th, according to several things I saw on fb, Zuck is going to rejig the terms of use and take ownership of all the content you post on his site.

Panic! Terror! Fire inna di ghetto!


From what I can gather from reading the cut and pasted reposts as they flood my newsfeed, this website is going to take all our pictures and sell them to pron sites, and all our foodstagrams are going to end up having dollops of American bison dung photoshopped onto them and if we are really really unlucky, our squad photos will be spliced into dancehall videos.

Then they will take our posts and the words we said, our well-thought-out, cleverly-worded, philosophically groundbreaking, stunningly poetic posts and sell them to Chevrolet for use in radio advertisements.

Look, first of all, it’s a hoax thing. Facebook is not going to do that. This shit comes up once a month. It’s like herpes.


You should not be worried about facebook stealing your material. It is other facebookers, like this scrotal boil, here who steal material. 



The truth is, what you put on the socials is pretty much out in the air. Anyone can take it and do what he or she wants with it.

Like that sideways arsewipe, Musimenta, who takes blog posts from astute writers and passes them off as his own so that first years can mistake him for a clever person and let him touch their chests.


Really if Facebook wanted to take our stuff and sell it, then the question would be…

Whose stuff should they take?

Nnalongo Stella Nyanzi


Stella Nyanzi’s posts are wasted on FB. It is a shame that some of her phrases and terms of abuse have not yet made their way into episodes of Veep or at the very least into someone’s rap beef. I think 50 Cent should go at Panda and unleash some choice Nyanzilisms about Panda’s gonads. 

Don’t disturb me. His name is Panda. Because I don’t care what his real name is.


Gagamel Massive Bebe Cool 4eva!!!!

Peter Sematimba, Erias Lukwago, Besigye… all wish they had the kind of support the Great Bebe Cool commands from his loyal fanbase. When someone says something against the mighty and awesome Bebe, here comes the cavalry, to fight, slaughter, massacre and quemulle in his name. It’s is delightful. I swear nothing is as awesome as watching Gagamel fans in full force swarm in.


I am not saying that he should, but if I was Zuck I would, steal entire threads of Gagamel attacks and sell them to Trump so when someone posts about him, instantly a flood of insults and invective and beautiful bile appears underneath the post. 

Shanita Bradley Beibe fka Bad Black

Shanita Bradley Beibe: I don’t like this woman. I don’t know her personally, but I don’t like her. I just don’t like what she stands for. I don’t approve of her life choices. I judge her. I think she sends a wrong message to our youth and to the Ugandans of the future generations that humans should look like a peeled tooke with eyelashes and lipstick. No. I dislike.

But the thing about being a hater is that we gotta hate. We can’t help ourselves. Everything she does we are going to comment with our hate and she is on of the leading engines of facebook engagement in Uganda. So Zuck, why not steal her and put her posts on Indonesia, Latvia, Chad and Paraguayan facebook so as to get extra noise?
In fact, you should take white version of Bad Black and put her in Ugandan facebook. Wait. He already did that.