Countdown To Katwe



I have not yet watched Queen of Katwe, the current big news movie, even though I have heard a lot about it. I have heard that it is gaining rave reviews all over the world, but as an intellectual, I have to make up my own mind, so I am going to watch it myself.

But before that, just to make sure I get full enjoyment, understanding, enlightenment and experience from the film, I am going to learn as much as I can about it.

Today’s lesson is Who Or What Is Chess:

  • Chess is a board game like Ludo, but instead of using blind luck and cheating, one uses intelligence.
  • Chess is boring. This applies to two categories of people: Those who don’t understand it, and those who do, but prefer to stream WWE matches online. 
  • Chess is done using things called pieces. Everything else is also done using things called pieces, but chess pieces are specially adapted to chess, whereas pieces of a broken heart are not.
  • Chess pieces can be used as sex toys by imaginative and brave persons. However, I am sure the government would not approve, so if you respect what the government thinks about how you get down to do your fucking, avoid putting pawns there.
  • One of the best players at chess in the world comes from Uganda. Her name is Phiona Mutesi, and she is not mediocre, in spite of what has been said about Ugandans on social media.
  • When Lupita heard about that, she said to her salon attendant, “Manze, I don’t have time to relax my hair. You just cut it quickly quickly so I can go to Ugandan and make a movie about this girl with Mira, bwana.” She said it Kenyanly.
  • Mira Nair once met me.
  • The film is getting the sort of acclaim that was last seen with Slumdog Millionaire, so don’t expect to go in and pash the way you did during Last King of Scotland. Man, we pashed hard during Last King of Scotland. So hard that I don’t remember what was in the movie and what was in the dream. Did Cleopatra Koheirwe change a boda boda into a transformer or not?
  • Finally, we go and watch Queen of Katwe.