Here are some outrageous statements about the gentlemen who form the line-up of the latest edition of the Qwela Junction series, where Qwela, that stellar band of renown and fame, brings to you, for your immense pleasure, a show with a different musical focus each time. We have seen the Sax Aces, we have heard the Guitar Maestros, we have been regaled with the majesty of the divas, and now, we await, this Sunday, the Crooners.
These gentlemen will astound us, will amaze us. Will probably kick our asses with music.
I am trying to sound like one of those old school MCs from the sixties. Then I remembered that none of y’all know what the sixties are, you millennials. You just hear rumours.
Speaking of rumours, the Crooners don’t have many around them, which is unfitting of talent. Talent should make stars and you are not a star without false rumours flying around. So, my contribution to the stardom, some Crooner Rumours. Croomours if you like.
Benon started his career as part of a duo with the erstwhile Vamposs. The two may not have released anything together in years but they are still very much partners– in business. They have equal shares in a holding company, Benvam Holdings Limited, which involves boda boda services, controls rolex franchises in eastern Kampala, a door-to-door condom delivery service and corporate off shore banking solutions.
There is a doctor named Stella somewhere in this country who strips down nekkidy every time Richy sings and is out of her knickers by the time he reaches the third verse. But it is not in protest. It is about youknowwharramsaying. I will not tell you which doctor it is. But if you are interested in anyone matching that description, I have given you a tip.
If you see Maddox Sematimba wearing a pair of faded Chuck Taylor All Stars, don’t think he is getting with the trends. He has had those shoes since they were first introduced in 1969. In fact Maddox is such an old school legend, a man who has been part of Ugandan music for so long, such a well-aged artefact of our culture, that I can safely conjecture that Maddox was there when shoes themselves were introduced to Uganda.
Sheebah Karungi applied to feature with Sam Kimera on a collabo once, but was respecfully declined. As you know Kimera is not likely to sing songs about how wonderful it is to be drunk– he is a gospel artiste. There is no twerking in gospel. There is no need for it.
Also, the application was sent to the wrong address. Sheebah, I am not Kimera’s manager. I just blog things, man.
24-year-old MDD academic Kenneth Mugabi has been married for eight years. But does not know it yet. Because what kind of stalker would she be if he ever actually met her? She just maintains an ardent social media nuptial arrangement where she likes everything he posts on soundcloud.
Even though he is a noted lyricist and songwriter of note, Stephen Keyes does not know the words Rihanna sings after saying Work Work Work Work Work. No one does. Not even Rihanna. She usually just makes up stuff when she has to perform live.
Tonix prefers to wear sunglasses not because he is vain, and not because he is trying to be cool, but because he has a sad affliction– his left eye socket has two eyeballs in it and it is supercreepy. Trust me, he is doing you a favour by wearing those shades. It is like a movie where but now I think I am going too far. Giving Tonix an extra eyeball?
Anyway, the point is it doesn’t matter how many eyeballs a homie has. As long as the larynx is on point. And it is. These guys are going to be awesome singing at you this Sunday at the Serena. Check out the facebook event page and then we go and find each other there.
Don’t forget to bring Stella.