Chill Break: On Phone Nudes. Not Wearing The Social Fabric



More nude photos. More heads on the chopping block. More hypocrisy and anger and smug recrimination. Ernest Bazanye points fingers at Ernest Bazanye


Q: I thought this was a newspaper. Are leaking nudes news? Every week another set of pictures falls into our inboxes. Celebrity nudes are as common as spam SMS calling me for kadongo kamu concerts.

A: They are news because we pay attention to them. They are a trend, all the rage, a hot new habit.

Q: They are a moral outrage! They are wicked and evil! The production of such materials is evidence that this society is falling to rot and decay and will surely be sucked down into its own filth and die.

A: The production? The making of these pictures? You think the pictures are the problem?

Q: Yes. Naked women are awful.

A:  You could take a hundred photos of a naked starlet an hour and it won’t make any difference to the world. It only becomes a problem when you perverts steal them and start spreading them around. That is when we have a problem. The distribution of these materials is what shows that we are wicked and vile and sick.

Q: But she willingly allowed a digital record of her sexual attractiveness to be made.

A: Yes, but she didn’t make it public. She didn’t make it widespread. She didn’t saturate the whatsapposphere with it. It was you, me and every other perverted lech out there who made the nudes public sight.

Q: But our leaders in life, the likes of the Minister of Ethics and National Sex and the employers of leading media organisations all set an example. One called for the arrest of the subject of one set of pictures and the other asked her to resign her job of presenting a show in which people with poor English attempt to score and get lucky on TV while the rest of us snobbishly laugh.ID-100234457

A: Those are leaders in being idiots, okay? If you are going to blame a woman for the theft of her private act of intimacy, and the fact that it was broadcast without her consent, why not blame Bobi Wine for all the piracy of his music? Why not blame Wakaliwood for all the bootleg copies of their movies? Why not blame me for all the stolen phones I have caused?

Q: But the theft of those phones was your fault. You were careless.

A: Stupid. Take me to jail them. See your life. It is a far worse thing to look at someone’s private affairs than it is for someone to have private affairs. And the worst thing is to pass them on to other strangers. Then beyond that, the worster thing is to then have the gall to criticise the victim. Lokodo should have called for the arrest of everyone who forwarded those pictures instead.

Except he’s an idiot.