First Draft of Mao’s Resignation Speech by Speechwriter Who Probably Got Fired

So Norbert Mao, firebrand freedom fighter, former presidential candidate, sex symbol announced this week that he was taking a break from active politics to recuperate after a recent health scare. You may have heard the news, maybe even heard the speech. But what you didn’t hear was the several drafts his speechwriters gave him before [...]

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So, Enough About Me; How Was Your Weekend?

This is how tight things became at a certain part of Kira (a Kampala Suburb) this weekend.   So, I am in that hood occasionally. Sometimes II can’t go home. I have a bowel syndrome that means after too much coffee and too much red meat I am a bit more flatulent than the average [...]

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A Date With Desire

What does one do when ones hot ex hollers with weekend plot? What does one so when this ex is Desire Luzinda? Desire Luzinda is a unique level right now — after those nude leaks pretty much every guy with a smartphone had thought about it. Now, I am not going to make any untoward [...]

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Feed The Ggonya: Random Chaps, and a bit of video

Hello and well done. Don’t you hate your mobile telephone company? Of course you do, because those guys occasionally suffer breakages in the stream of service and this infuriates you! Grrrrr! That’s why you should do what I advise, which is, divest yourself of their bundle as soon as possible. And that’s where I come [...]

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Feed The Gonya: The new Random Chaps and some Video Hijinks

  This one is me and my friends on mics and editing. The latest Random Chaps is here (Random Chaps is the  podcast where Rudende of XFM and myself, of This Blog and Sunday Vision, get to places with microphonic equipment and talk shit) . In this one, we had Enygma in the studio and we [...]

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Kampala 101: How To Be Slapped

My friend, name withheld, (let’s call him Arturo. Because nobody’s called Arturo in real life, so this makes this true story even more absurd ) recently got slapped. Hard. Skilfully. All the way across the face. It was the loneliest moment in Arturo’s life, he told us, rocking slightly, and staring into the middle distance, [...]

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Things Ugandans Need To Stop Doing No. I-III

Do you know how come it is that we are all so keenly aware of the vast extents of your stupidity? It is because we have all read that now-classic definition of stupidity on facebook. As in, if you keep doing the same thing again and again while expecting different results the next time. You [...]

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What’s Been Up?

Christmas was lovely. I left you Kampala thugs and went to the village where people are civilised and don’t say Xmas at me. The whole holiday was awesome. Family rocks. And now I’m back. To be evil, wicked, ruthless and without remorse for all the innocents that will fall in my wake. Zari, go ahead. [...]

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What’s Been Up

A lot. This site has been unupdated for all this time but it’s not like I haven’t been working. I have been working. Like… Okay, I am out of metaphors. I recently discovered a new brand of satchet capucchino which is faithless and full of lies. It gives you a twenty-minute boost and then dumps [...]

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Who Or What is The Miss Uganda Controversy

 Oh what an audacious monstrosity! It looks like a fish made of old dead shoes! It is so revolting my eyes both demand that we immediately go into exile, for this nation is surely cursed! Actually in this picture I am looking at here she looks kind of cute. I like the smile. I bet [...]

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