Take Back Uhuru’s Car

  You may have heard that Kenyan president Uhuru Kenyatta lost a real life game of Grand Theft Auto Nairobi last week. Someone stole his car. A vehicle belonging to the presidential fleet of limos was stolen outside the city limits last week. Now. Really. Ssuuna, we know it was you. This has Ugandan written [...]

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Taxi Strike. The Untold Story. From the (or A) Horse’s Mouth

Taxi strike paralyses city. That was the news on Monday when industrial action by Uganda Taxi Drivers And Operators Association left many Kampalans stranded at their homes, unable to get to work. Most saw it as a painful inconvenience (or, if you have a car an awesome early Christmas) and much was tweeted. But nobody [...]

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Rules For The Cinema. Pay Attention

We have people who attend cinemas a lot these days, and this is both a good thing, because we get to watch Rocket and Groot, and a bad thing because other people get to do the same thing. At the same time. Annoyingly.   Development is about improving life, removing the flaws and working towards [...]

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Luluuuuuu… What Happened After

      Lulu : Just a minute. (glug, glug.) Who is it? (glug glug).   Mum: Did you mobile money me a quarter of the rent, Lulu? Is that where you get the right to lock doors in my house?   Lulu: Is the door locked? I have no idea how that happened. I [...]

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MTN, I Swear. Leave Me Alone. Go Away. I Don’t Want!

MTN is still doing it. Still shufflefooting around me trying to offer me tripe through their spam SMS. It so desperate and sad. It’s like you are following me around with cold damp boiled maize in a kibbo begging me to turn round and at least consider telling you to fuck off, WHILE I’M GOING [...]

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The Breakdown: Uncut

The net is buzzing with news of the new smartphone from Amazon, the Fire. In the meantime, excitement still abounds over the other new phones from the leading smartphone brands  Ernest Bazanye the geek discusses the matter with Ernest Bazanye the luddite. Q: Fire, Five s and S5. Why is the whole internet buzzing about [...]

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News Rounded Up and Whipped Like Lupita

What happened to the parliament pigs? Well, we hear that the police is on the case, investigating the little porkers with maximum thoroughness  to ascertain exactly what the hell it was that they were doing in parliament in the first place. What induces two piglets to recruit humans to take them to parliament? The police [...]

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Dear MTN, Get Off My F***ing Case

Dear MTN, I am not lonely enough to need an sms system to find friends for me. And even if I was living in the deepest darkest cave of Mhavura where no other human has set foot in eons, a place so remote that even the Bachwezi abandoned it, I still would not be interested, [...]

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Meet Miss Approp Rita: The New Minister For Corruption

      The newly appointed Minister of Corruption and Financial Abuse, Miss Approp Rita, joins cabinet this week, following the adoption of a proposal by Urban TV’s Business Unusual satire programme. Miss Approp has a long and illustrious history of theft, embezzlement and fraud, none of which shows on her CV, most of which [...]

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The State Of The State of The Nation

    President Museveni delivered his annual state of the nation address yesterday to a delighted throng of lickspittles and bootsnoggers and asskissers, all of whom swooned with glee at every drop of saliva that shot out of his ancient mouth as he droned on and on. In attendance as well were thugs, turncoats, thieves, [...]

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