Who or What Is National ID?

When you go to register for your national ID, because you should, you ingrate, after all Uganda has done for you, there are a few things you should know. Don’t forget the following. Uganda depends on this.   Ministry of Internal Affairs are not going to Photoshop your face for you, so if you want [...]

Share on Facebook

Erias Lukwago’s CV. Just Allow You Guys

  As we said the other day when people on Google Plus were leaving comments without even clicking the link to see what they were commenting about (Really, friends, let us click one another. For the development of Uganda. We cannot stay backward forever.) Erias Lukwago is not going to remain Lord Mayor, that is [...]

Share on Facebook

We Want A Mayor

Elias Lukwago is out of office again. Isn’t that just heartbreaking? No it’s not? Nara fucks to give? But this is a modern city, dammit. We have to have a mayor. We are running around like a chicken without a hat. No, we have a head. Jenny Musisi is the head. It’s the hat that’s [...]

Share on Facebook

Alcohol Not To Be Sold To Anyone Below 21 Years of Age

In the latest from Uganda’ scorching-hot ongoing series of dumb bill proposals we have this gem from the Ministry Of Health official Sheila Ndyanagangi who seeks to raise the age at which alcohol may be sold to Ugandans from eighteen to twenty one. Ndyanabangi argued that at eighteen a Ugandan is not mature enough to [...]

Share on Facebook

Bad Idea: A Premio Is Not A Fancy Car

The bratty little boy with the filthy manners is an everyday occurrence here in Uganda. Familiar. Normal. All over the place we have Y chromosomes swaggering around mistaking for mere entitlement what is actually entitlement to several thorough beatings. But as long as they are below the age of 18, we just grind our teeth, [...]

Share on Facebook

Be Patriotic, Or Go To Jail

Minister for the Kampala Frank Tumwebaze also MP for Kibale County  hasn’t been in the news much lately Minister for the Kampala Frank Tumwebaze also MP for Kibale County looked up from his iPad and realised this recently so, taking a cue from the new facebook thing he had got on the iPad he just [...]

Share on Facebook

How To Use An iPad (Parliamentary Edition)

After we paid all our money to Apple so that our MPs could have an iPad each, it transpired that the doofuses didn’t even know how to use the tablets in the first place and needed training. So we paid more money for them to get taught. And only three showed up for the training. [...]

Share on Facebook

Is The President Safe From Hyenas?

Our president, Yoweri the Excellent Museveni, is in Addis Ababa this week on state business. Presidential African Union stuff. The sort of thing presidents do with and to each other. This is all that I should tell you because beyond that you should not have a fuck to give, really, except for one thing.   [...]

Share on Facebook

iParliament and the Mystery of The Junk Tablets

When the parliament of Uganda realised how much they were spending on paper and stationery, and stationary, and dictionaries to find out which of the two words was applicable in that sentence, when they realized that that bill came to 12 million dollars a year, they did what any modern forward thinking Institution would do [...]

Share on Facebook

Can’t Wait To Watch Wolf Of Wall Street

Hi Baz? It’s Leo. Leo Kir…? Leo DiCaprio, nigga. Have you forgotten your old friends already? Back in Boston we were tight as Beyonce’s blonde weave and now, just because you went off to be a big-time Ugandan writer you forgot all about me? DiCaprio? Leo Dick! Oh, of course I remember. I mean, I [...]

Share on Facebook