Bill of No Bill

Hello. I would like to start by welcoming myself back to the internet and wishing myself a happy new year. I have not had access to my own computer, the one that is specially customised for my blogging convinience and even has my special stash of desktop wallpapers featuring feminist icon Beyonce allowing herself to be portrayed as a mere sexual object  but I am back now.


Now that I have been reconnected to the world, we may return to work. Let us discuss current affairs issues such as Prono Bill and Miniskirt Bill and the many questions they raise (heh heh. Raise).

Murder is illegal because someone dies. If I take a ninja dagger and stab someone,in the pancreas, say Segawa Henry, , leaving him to bleed to his demise as I dance gleefully about the corpse, the police, when they arrive, and after beating my face to pieces with clubs and truncheons, will arrest me and I will be taken in for murder.

If, however, I attempt to stab him with a feather duster and instead of death, he merely gets tickled, I don’t get convicted of anything. Cos the wretch survives.

So miniskirt Bill, if a woman wears a tiny skirt, but no one gets aroused, probably because she has legs like Alex Ndawula’s do you still arrest her, considering that there is no corpus?

Secondly, what happens if I have a mini and am not wearing it? Can I be charged with possession?

If I’m not going to wear it but I am going to sell it, what is my legal status there?

If I sell a knife to someone I am not culpable for what he does with it. He could slice onions with it or he could gouge the jugular out of the throat of his worst enemy, wife, or if they are both the same person, both at the same time. If I sell a mini to a person I don’t know if they are going to wear it to arouse members of the public into unbridled rape sprees or if they are going to just use it to dust their Raum windshields. So is posession with intent to distribute covered?

What if I have a naked body of my own, and what if it is really really attractive? I might. It could be really hot. Very pronografik. I am actually naturally pronagrafk. Right now I am fully dressed but could you get me for concealing illegal pawrn materials?

Rugby players. Women go crazy over those niggas. Will we see a teargas truck at Kyadondo?

What about people with very sexy voices? How do you arrest them without infringing on their freedom of speech? Don’t we have freedom of speech, even freedom of sexy speech?

Back to habeas corpus. This bill is meant to prevent arousal, as the prohibition against murder is to prevent wrongful death. But you know it won’t work. Even the dullest Ugandan, even if they are as dull as an MP, has at least enough imagination to conjure up a sexual fantasy so to continue with the murder analogy, there will be dead bodies all over the place even though no one is shooting anybody.

Finally, who do they think they are kidding with this bill. It’s a waste of time. No one is ever going to be arrested.