Bad Idea: The Ssonkos

 

Communication is very important for a successful marriage. To illustrate this today let us eavesdrop on that loving couple, the Ssonkos.


Mr. Hello hot hips. Mwah.
Mrs : High firm chest muscles. Mwah.
Mr: I think, for our convenience, we should remember to take off our glasses before we kiss. Do you agree?
Mrs: Let’s do it again. Hello four pack. Mmmmwah!
Mr: Mmmmwah! Hello shapely legs?
Mrs: That was much better.

Mr: so, how was your day?
Mrs: what did you just ask me? Did you just ask me how my day was? You treacherous backstabbing Judas-like hog! I gave you the best years of my life! I gave you my heart and my love and this is how you repay me? By daring to ask to my very face how my day was?
Mr: Did you say hog?
Mrs: How can you not know how my day was? I thought you followed me on Twitter. I posted detailed play by play coverage of the entire event! All of social media knows how my day was.
Mr: See this one. Are you a colobus monkeywoman? Colobus monkeys jump around all the time. You sound like a colobus monkey of conclusions. Of course I follow you on Twitter. It is just that today the WiFi at office was not working.
Mrs : I put my trust in you! I left my parents’ loving bosom for you! And for what? When the WiFi is down you can’t even just step out to buy airtime?
Mr: I tried, you furious hourglass-shaped heap of judgemental rage, but Jennifer Musisi had chased all the vendors away from the area!.
Mrs: Oh. I see. Well, my day was fine.
Mr: That’s good to know.
Mrs: How was your day? You didn’t tweet much.
Mr: Munange the WiFi at office was off and KCCA chased all the airtime vendors away. I was stuck without socials. Let me check them now.
Mrs: Let me get our usual supper. Wine for me and beer for you. I assume you remembered to get the rolexes. It was your turn today.
Mr: Yeah. They are in my bag… Wait. Who is this simanyi “at gamululu”?
Mrs: Where?
Mr: Here on your Twitter feed.
Mrs: I meant where in the bag are the rollas. Gamululu is just some guy.
Mr: Just some guy? Does just some guy have to like and comment on every single tweet you send? Does just some guy have to write lol every time you type more than four letters? Does just some guy have to keep asking if you are free after work? I swear. This looks like the source of a problem!
Mrs: Dude, are you jealous?
Mr: Of course not. I am too good looking to be jealous. I am, however, quite offended. This is in public. Now everyone who reads this is expecting me to go and punch his head several times hard.

Mrs: I don’t think you should do that…

Mr: Are you going to defend this slimy social media louse? Are you going to chose his physical safety over my injured pride? My wife is being flirted with in public and you expect me to not issue punches at the flirter? I go to the gym every week!

Mrs: No, I mean don’t punch him. It took me ages to convince you to finally try a manicure and I don’t want you to ruin your hands. You could try kicks maybe.

Mr: Okay. Don’t forget to give me his address tomorrow morning so I can get him on the way to work.

Mrs: You liar! You bold faced liar! You lied to my face! How could you do such a thing?

Mr: Banange what now?

Mrs: There are no rolexes in this bag!

Mr: Oh, sorry. They are in the car. My bad

 

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