Bad Idea Encyclopedia: F***ing Hummers

Information is the cornerstone of educational data.  With that in mind,  let’s  rip into it.  It’s the Bad Idea Encyclopedia. Today’s entry is on the subject of Hummers.

Definition:
The term Hummer is an acronym,  and stands for Hugely Ugly Motor Monstrosity which is Expensive and Revolting.

This is one of the best-named vehicle models on the market and is the complete opposite of a Progres which has stalled in the middle of traffic.

Wait. Some members of the class still haven’t got that one.

Origins: The Hummer originates from a martial craft known as the HumVee which was a heavily armoured car,  built on a very sturdy chassis and designed to carry large loads of soldiers and arms through near-impassable conditions of war.
It was designed for one purpose only–to get outta here alive.  It was not made to impress anyone. It was not made to be attractive. It is the automotive version of gumboots.

Transition :
The Humvee was adopted by people with more money than  taste as a status symbol.

Definition of Status Symbol: A thing you spend a lot of money on, the chief purpose of which is to lead people you don’t know or talk to to say,  “That person there has a lot of money. I am in awe and admiration of him or her.  Emotional responses I usually reserve for people who do meritorious things like show valour, courage,  intelligence, talent, generosity and grace, I shall now foist upon this person who has done nothing but buy a car. “

Efficiency : You mean,  does it do its job of conferring status onto the owner?  It does so dubiously.

On the One Hand: Those of us who have good,  functioning taste glands will see a person with more money than sense, a person who is willing to spend huge amounts of cash just so that he can acquire our approval, yet this person does not know us,  will never meet us,  and is failing at the task he or she put so much cash into. We don’t admire their vehicle. We think it is stupid and are offended by it.

Buying a Hummer is like having a Dolce and Gabana suit custom fitted for a cow and then walking around town with that cow on your bqck. Yes, you have money to waste.  But you are an idiot.

On the other hand: There are some people who actually do admire anything that costs money, even if it simultaneously wastes that money.

You Are Just Jealous: That is, ironically, such a cheap response to  what I just  said. “Oooh! Snort!  He criticises bad cars because he is envious. The only reason he does not approve of something ugly is that he wishes the hideous blight were his own. Grunt! “

I shall now demonstrate how you should go home and see your life.

I see expensive luxury sedans all the time. Mercs and Beemers.  They are wonders of engineering and design, made by people working at the peak of their talents. To be in a top of the line  Benz is to show your bottom the way your mouth feels when it drinks the finest brewed local beers.

My response to a person in a beemer, benz or bentley?  Applause.  Approval.  An unreserved thumbs up.  You are a person who is living life in a good way.  If you are a musician, say Grace Nakimera, I will even support your wealth by purchasing the music so you can fuel that lovely car.

See?  No Envy : As long as you don’t use the money for something stupid.

Note : I have ranted about hummers before in my career.  Precisely six years four months and two weeks ago.  I return to the topic because some people don’t learn.

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