Bad Idea: Chandler and Frasier’s Photoshoot

This story takes place in Kireka, the home of the father of two boys and features the two boys, first one, then the other, and also includes a performance from the father himself. Presenting Chandler And Frasier arrange a photoshoot.

Frasier: Father, it’s not that we have self-image problems. We would like to start with that point.

Chandler: It is vital before we go any further that you understand we are not under any misaprehension about how very very handsome we are. Even Charmaine wants some, but she has only one dimple. Frasier thinks that’s cool, but I find it creepy. Why is she not symetrical?

Frasier: There is nothing wrong with having only one dimple. You know mum has only one dimple, right?

Chandler: That’s a dimple? I thought it was a special frown for her mouth which she uses when she is being sarcastic.

Frasier: You would think that, Chandler, because she is always scolding you sarcastically.

Chandler: Because I am always doing something to deserve it. You are straying from the topic, Fraze. Dad is still waiting for the point.

Frasier: Is he…

The Father of the Boys: No, I am not waiting for your point. I am ignoring you and watching this episode of So You Think You Can Dance. I was under the impression that this was a show about people who think they can dance. So far I don’t see Sharon O anywhere. Does she not think?

Chandler: If Big Brother is any evidence…

Frasier: Jokes about Sharon O’s intelligence are so passe, bro. Let it go.

Chandler: Then deliver the speech we came to this room to present. You think I have a sustainable attention span? If you don’t focus for both of us, who will?

Frasier: Padre Mio, having established that we know we are devastating and are not asking this because we worry about our self image we would like to discuss our portrayal in your newspaper.

Chandler: We keep meeting people who tell you we look just like the cartoons.

Father Of The Boys: Me, too. Like, “You look just like that picture of you.” I try to be gracious and respond politely because I am not really a jerk, I just pretend to be one in this column.

Chandler: He is giving us his opinion, Fraze. We are in danger of losing this discussion. Leap right in again and wrest the topic back from him.

Frasier: Pops, your feelings are heard. Ours now. We understand that Danny Barongo is the very best caricaturist in the Ugandan media. He is one of the finest Ugandans alive.

Chandler: However, dad, nobody enjoys being told they look like a cartoon.

Frasier: Especially not people as phenomenally handsome as the two of us.

Father of The Boys: Do you want me to tell Danny to not draw you so well, then?

Frasier: That would just be a band-aid over the problem. You are not Obama. We need real solutions.

Chandler: So this is what you are going to do. You go to the magazines section of Vision Group, where you work, and find that man, Kalungi Kabuye, who takes those wonderful photos for Flair For Her Magazine, and book him to take glamorous photos of us.

Father of The Boys: Three reasons why that won’t happen. First, Flair For Her only features inspirational women who have had a positive impact on society and you are not women, not inspirational and the only time you have a positive impact on a society is when you get a taxi and ride out of it. Secondly, you will never ever ever see me do anything ever in the world if it is mentioned in a sentence that begins with “So this is what you are going to do.” You would have had a ghost of a chance if you had gone with “We humbly plead with you to assist us O Great One,” But you blew that chance.

Frasier: And third?

Chandler: You should not have asked.

Father of The Boys: Third is shut up and go away.