Apass vs Flavia: Love is War

This young local musician named Apass. He is there–famous, well-known and people like him. You know that song which you hear and you wonder when Damien Jr Gong Marley learned Luganda? Tetubatya? That is actually Apass. He’s good.



Apass caused a … It is pronounced Ape Ass, by the way, in case you were wondering, and you were… Apass caused a social media knickerbunch recently when he posted this on his facebook.

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I know I know. You all think the same thing.


So what?


Mbu I love Flavia. Who doesn’t? Sit down. Everyone loves the chick.


  • Do you know why Lokodo backed down on his miniskirt bill? Because Flavia wore this.


  • Do you know how infatuated this city is with Flavia? One day I found myself in a fake, dinghy, lousy, dirty, mbu Internet Cafe in Kira (Leave me. My mifi router was not charged and neither was UMEME). While I was there, I logged on and look, Flavia had retweeted me. The manager gave me an extra hour for free for making her presence somehow enter his gushop.
  • I have an aunt called Flavia Twasiime. That alone is enough to get me out of traffic tickets.
  • Mbu loving Flavia. Do you know why Uganda got to host Choggum and the Pope? Because Kenya doesn’t have Flavia.
  • Everybody loves Flavia. Even her haters. That’s what they hate about her. That they love her so much.
  • Mbu I love Flavia. Gerrarahere.


Maybe I am being too harsh here. This is not all about Apass. It’s actually part of a bigger problem that afflicts many in our nation– a lack of understanding just how far you should take things. Just because you have the legal right to stand for president, doesn’t mean you should. Just because you can tag radio presenters on facebook, doesn’t mean you should.

So where did the story go from there? It went here.

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Apass said he was sorry he said what he said and asked her to forgive him. Usually you say that when you are breaking up, meaning he succeeded in vibing her and they had a relationship which ran the course.

However, the rumours, unsubstantiated, unfounded, uncorroborated and unreliable, say that Flavia made him back down right quick because she wasn’t about to have that on her image.

This is what the rumours say she replied with.

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“Apass! Ape Ass! Of where! Since when! That who! But why! Shyaa! I am not even in your class, you befuddled little boy. I am not even close to your syllabus. Listen to the accent, numb oblongatta, listen. You hear that? There is no UPE in this mix.

“You say the word ‘better.’ Say ‘Better’. You see? You say Bett Augh. I say ‘bedder’. Are you beginning to understand how the schematics are misaligned in the blueprint of your strategy?

“Afail, why aren’t you bothering Lady Bizzle instead? Why am I the one who has to suffer every time a new musician decides to fulfil their puberty?

“You guys are going to make me give up these hips. They are proving to be more trouble than they are worth.”


That is the rumour mbu. (I added a bit of chilli and tabasco because it is a rumour and no Ugandan relays a rumour without adding to it.)

I seriously doubt that Flavia told Apass that he is not of her class as rumoured, though.


I myself  have met her a couple of times, on account of us both being elite-level practitioners of our chosen art, me kicking all the writing ass and her doing similarly well in her job, so I can’t say I know her as such, but from what I have seen, she seems like a really cool person. She really comes across as nice. You know nice? As in a nice person. Not at all the kind of person who would bitch out at a kid just because he said he likes her. Certainly not the sort of person who thinks in terms of “class”.

It’s much more likely that she was kind and gentle in her response.


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Apass: “Flavia me a go #love ya gal. Don’t You want me. #IamApass. #Hashtag!”

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Flavia: “Oh, really? That’s sweet. And you are…?”

Apass: “Hashtag I am Apass.”

Flavia“Oh, yes. The Jr Gong guy. Dear, there are so many of you that I can’t keep track. Anyway, thank you for your very sweet sentiments. It is flattering. I have to go now. Hope you find a nice girl who will requite your feelings.  I, personally, am afraid I cannot do so. Due to reasons. Good bye. Oh, and be a doll and take my personal business off facebook, would you? That would be lovely. Bye.”


Like I said, I don’t actually know Flavia Tumusiime, but I think that is more likely what happened.



We are not finished. Still going on. I know it is turning into a long post, but if people can read Bikozulu and his entire novels, you can hang with me for a couple more paragraphs.

So people have jumped on Apass’ case because he apologised on facebook. This is the whole point of this blog post.

Since when was a man supposed to be ashamed of apologising? Since when was owning up to your actions and taking responsibility and expressing contrition a bad thing? Since when?

Throwing lines at a chick who doesn’t feel you is part of the life and times of being a man. It happens to all of us, even popular singers.

And getting unwanted advances from men (even popular singers) is part of being a woman.

If, however, the woman does not like the tone in which she was approached, it is incumbent on a true gentleman to apologise and back off. That is what Apass did. It is a deed of honour, it is the act of a person with good manners and it shows, if nothing else, that Apass has class.

Thank you.