Anita Origins

Anita Everything is the Sudhir of Bulabira, my nieghbourhood. As in back when Sudhir was a dominant businessperson. We post her stories weekly on my facebook page, Here. It was after one such post that Josiah, (One such reader) asked me, “Where did you get this chick?”. Whereupon it dawned on me. I have been writing Anita for almost a year now. Anniversary coming up. And there is no place where her chronicles are recorded for easy and frequent reference. So that is what this blog category is for.
Before I go Laysngennermen, presenting… Let me give you a bit of BKG. Anita started as an airtime dealer, selling airtel, and I would visit her to get my daily 2k rations. Now, here we go.


One Day in August 2016, around ten a.m. I walk up to the woman then known as Airtel Anita, who says:

Mista, as you are roast these days.

-Munange, I woke up one morning and I had won 3GB from airtel. I am not going to need to buy data until I have watched all seasons of the whole of YouTube.

*mama.

Eh mama is correct.

But at rist you can come wand vist us.

I actually just passed by to check on you. How is life?

Munange. Am just breast.

Your bra does have a lot of work on its hands.

I mean I got a bresser. Hajji Mpajji. He even said is getting me a terephone rike yours of Nkwatako.

You mean touch screen.

Dat one! Mista I am in roove!

 

Another day, later that same August, the same airtime stall, the same AnitaConversations with Airtel Anita, the chick who sells me airtime. This was after I airtel-moneyed my 12k for the ticket Cos tomorrow is #AirtelThursday

Baz you are buying movie ticket? Eh mama. Take me for a filim.

-No.

You don’t want to take me because I am an airtime seller? Snob.

-Nah. I only snob snobs. After they snob me. The reason I am not taking you is because they are showing Suicide Squad. Remember when David Dvd guy let you watch Alice In Wonderland?

Banange The rabbit she was talking! I could not handle! And then Johnny Depp she was not handsome instead was wearing almost as much make up as Shanita Bad Black or Sematimba!

-You see? You’re scared of CGI now how will you react to 3D? I will bring you some popcorn.

It is called popcorns, Anko Baz. Don’t be local.

 

Conversations With Airtel Anita, my airtime vendor.

*Anita, there is something different about you today.

-Yes. I am wearing a kakondo shoe. These ones of you walk as if you are climbing. That shoe of kalina.

*Not that I am flirting, because I am not, I am just making a friendly observation but it certainly makes your legs look like hattdamn grrrl!

-Unko you don’t frat me. It is not for your benefit. Munange didn’t a chotala boy pass here the other day driving a kologa to buy airtime? Wasn’t it of twenty sousand? I sell airtime here but I had even forgotten what airtel card of 20k looked like. He was chooot! He resembled as if Willy Smith but a young one not old like you.

*So you got the heels and the low cut blouse as a thirst trap?

-Don’t I look juicy?

*The succulence is undeniable. Wait. A chotara boy who drives a Kluger? That’s Marcus. He is my neighbour.

-How comes that your neighbours drive Kologa and buy big airtime and you live in the same area and you are a scrub?

*Anita scratch my card and work on your customer service skills instead of calling me a scrub.

– My customer service skills are my hot legs.

*Anita hit me up with a five K.

-Eh mama. How comes that? You used to be a two k nigga.

*Man, remember that gattawo promo when they would double your data? It made me get used. Now I have to do 200mb a day or my phone even shuts down saying it is on strike until I show it respect .

-But Unko reeyale you cannot put a mere 100mb a day on a phone like yours. Seven inch screen quad core snapdragon processor and 5gb andaroyidi 6.2 and you put a mere 100mb a day. That is antisocial behaviour.

*there you go calling me a scrub again.

-Kasita you have ogled my legs.