Conversations with #AnitaEverything my local business kingpin
*Anko! Just in time to enjoy da special offer of da day from my cafe!
-What is this special? Tell me.
*Flesh flute sarad. It is heresy.
-Anita, there is a rumour going around that you have a Bachelor’s degree…
*Yes. Ringuistics. From Makerere, moreover. That’s why I couldn’t get a job and had to make my own business. So, you who is here swerring and expanding and rooking rike an erephant baroon, why don’t you try my srimming juice brend? It has creanser and destoskify agents which will make you… well, you are fat, Anko.
-Anita, while I appreciate your concern for my health…
*It is not exactry your heress, though. It is just da rate of expansion is essiponential. You could burst your khaki pants any time now and scare away my customers.
-Why don’t you just sell me bigger khakis then?
*Dat is a better idea. Did you also do a useress degree in MUK? Because you have good business sense.
-Well, I did journalism, so…
*So, yes, a useress course. Now, let me call my crothing department to attend to you. Khloe! Khloe Khlothing! Bring your Kardashian-wannabe ass over here with a serection of men’s khaki pants size… 39? 49? In fat man sizes, genelarry. Bring quickry!
-I wouldn’t go so far as to say I am fat, Anita…
*Anko, ret’s be leo.
*Rets be leo. Keep it leo. Lealistic.
-Oh, okay, let’s be real.
*You might plefer terms rike paunchy, rotund, plump, portly, jolly etc. But Anko, that was rast week. You have moved beyond that. Today, you just fat.
-Well, for your info, I deserve to be fat, okay? I have earned the right to not have to conform to your society’s standards of body expectations. I will not be body shamed into not loving myself, so kiss all of my widening ass.
*I applaud you den, Anko. Good attitude. Khloe go back! Now, let’s leturn to the cafe. How about some triple deep fried chicken and simsim chips with a special cola? You have heard of the new coke zero? I have a cola here called Cokolioko 100. It is a hundred percent extra sugar. You will rove it.
Bring it now! And the pants as well, cos if I eat the way I plan to eat that meal, I shall need extra space.