And the Grammy goes to …Bad Black!

Bad Black. She no longer answers to that name, we understand, having gone through profound personal transformation during her time incarcerated. She changed. Changed religion, changed her outlook on life, changed the way she sees the world, and changed her skin colour.

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Which means she also changed the way the world sees her. Now she is so pale we need sunglasses to see her.

She changed not just her outlook but her look, period. She went in the colour of mud and came out the colour of dust.

Now she is the colour of cement. Next week she will be translucent, at this rate.

Bad Black said that she is actually half-Asian and is not a real African and so, presumably, our negritude should not be imposed on her. It is her birthright to be lighter-skinned.

Half Asian half black? Kabambi. So the first half of your life was black and that is why you are trying to change? But she is not changing to an Asian skin. Unless you mean an Asian gecko.

She doesn’t want to be called Bad Black any more. We could comply with her wishes. And call her bad bleaching job.

Personally I think she was bitten by a vampire. She is turning.

Bad Black is now trying to call herself Shanita Bradley Williams. Good luck


She also changed professions. As you know because no matter how hard you try not to know these things you cannot escape them. They will find you and they will kill you. She was a streetwalker who turned into a real estate agent before attempting a life as a socialite.

Unfortunately “socialite” is not a real profession and so the law locked her up. She is now a ULA, or Upcoming Local Ardis.

Upcoming Local Ardis is the title we give to a person who calls what they record “ma nu hit” before it even arrives at a radio station.

I have a copy of said hit right here.

I am going to listen to it in a minute. First I need these shots to get flowing properly. I am not going in without fortifying my nervous system with vodka. What if it sucks.

Oh no. Not at all.

There isn’t enough autotune in the world to save us. Oh shit. No wonder she wandered off to be a street hooker on Speke Ave instead of reaching the finals of Rated Next.  I was watching the youtube in a nice cafe and the wifi blacked out halfway. It jammed.

The beat is a ringtone from a China knockoff called SomeDung and these lyrics? Have you ever heard a song where a woman says she loves you and it is so bad that you wish she hated you instead?

I would say stick to your day job, Shanita Bradley, but we don’t know what that is.