So I have been writing scripts for radio lately. If you have heard them on XAM and found them funny, then, well, thank you. Thank you. This one was about the sex-for-marks scandal at universities. It didn’t play. But you can read it, if you can’t hear it.
Good evening, Bridget. Sit down. You can sit down on a chair if you like. I assumed you would attempt to sit on my desk, after all, I’m sure you know what this Is about.
mooolaring sounds. Ehiii! Hmmmm!! Meow. Mwah.
Well it is exam time; that part of the year when we examine the progress of our students, or rather, for your sake let me put it this way– when we make the students write answers to questions in the big room.
Now, the purpose of this exercise is to sift those who have accomplished learning during the year with, well, the rest of you.
I think it was a fruitful year for some of your friends. I hear Annabelle had a safe delivery and it was a boy. I am not sure when Sarah is due.
More moolaring sounds. Pout. Heave chest. Cross legs. Flutter eyelids. Hmmmm! Ehh!
Oh I notice I am rambling. And as I have seen one too many times in my lectures that if I utter a sentence with more than fifteen words in it you instinctively reach for you smartphone.
Heh heh. Excuse me for chuckling but the idea of your phone being named a smartphone always amuses me.
Well let me get to the point. Bridget, I did not have you in any of my classes in your first year but I have been your second year lecturer. In this second year I have come to conclude, using intelligence, something lecturers and a few of your fellow pupils have, that you did not make it from first year to second year by passing your exams fairly.
Now, there are options, including cheating, bribery, nepotism …
Meow. Blinks, heaves, dangles high heel on toe.
But I have seen your coursework. I don’t think you even have the brains to cheat, so that leaves only one thing… only one way you get passing grades.
Now, did you bring your own condoms or shall I use mine?